Monday, December 31, 2007

Breakfast can be the most righteous meal of the day!

Tasteless Foodstuffs, Inc., presents its brand new line of religious breakfast cereals so that you can start each day of 2008 or 5768 or 1428 with a healthy balance of righteous fury, indignant adrenalin and face-slapping-swift reflexes.

IslamiX Cereal brings the fun back to breakfast with a different Mohammed cartoon on the box each month. IslamiX's whole grain goodness will give you the energy to chase down women who refuse to wear hijabs, condemn infidels of all stripes, ban movies, books and whole segments of human beings, while at the same time keeping all of those anger humors burbling through your pancreas and liver in full bloom. Dodging American missiles sometimes feels like a full-time job. You don't want to be a step slow on the wrong day. So make every day an IslamiX day!

Torah Pops give you the ultimate in bowel health and regularity. Are you as stopped-up as a patriarchal figure in a Philip Roth novel? Well, kvetch no more! Torah Pops will turn your colon into the land of milk and honey within seven days or you'll get your money back! Performing rocket attacks on old men in wheelchairs and destroying the lives of Palestinians is hungry business. Keep up your koyekh with Torah Pops!

Pope-e-os, the original big hat cereal! It's not easy being the largest land-holder in the world, oppressor of millions of human beings, or dodging new pedophile court cases every day of the week. You need Pope-e-os and all of its big hat, healthy goodness. There's a liberal dose of mercury and lead injected into each morsel so that every mouthful will taste like incense -- while at the same time lowering your IQ, dulling your conscience, and spinning your moral compass backward until it breaks. The Roman Catholic Church has not existed 2008 years by dealing rationally with the world, so why should you? Narrow your mind and appetite the Catholic way -- with Pope-e-os!

2 comments:

Indigo Red said...

I don't have alot of time in the morning, so I start my day with a bowl of Instant Kharma.

Whetham Knauckweirst said...

There's more than one way to skin a fez. It's great to hear there are so many ways to practice breakfast vespers. Living in this sanctimonious, painfully politically correct world literally tears calories from the meat of the human brain. Fortify! Fortify!