New From Exec-u-tricks: The Guill-o-Door, for that troublesome "Open Door Policy"

The touchy-feely "I-care-about-my-minions'-feelings"-crowd has made the "open door policy" an unfortunate part of life in corporate management. How is any self-respecting manager or director supposed to run an area, group, unit, floor or department without keeping one's door closed and wielding the time-honored pink-slip-truncheon to keep the peons in line?

The team at Exec-u-tricks feels your pain.

Introducing Guill-o-Door, an in-office guillotine-door-system equipped with a 325-pound authentically engineered guillotine blade that is guaranteed to stop complaining, lazy, whining employees in their tracks. Utilizing spring-load technology used in commercial jets, the Guill-o-Door blade drops into action quicker than you can say, "I need the afternoon off." It's certified to completely bisect any human being -- regardless of race, creed, pay scale or body type -- up to a weight of 410 lbs.

Do you have tall complainers on staff? No problem! Guill-o-Door slices tall people in half like celery.

Do you have short whiners always skulking in? Great! Guill-o-Door's lazer precision and hydraulic heft and power stops them in their wee tracks.

Guill-o-Door is also perfect for the home office, especially for dissolving business partnerships.

Do you have a spouse threatening a nasty divorce? Bring it on! Install Guill-o-Door in your residence and have peace and silence reign once more!

Let the warm-and-fuzzies have their "open door policy." Exec-u-tricks will deal with whatever comes through that door!