What We Say About Ourselves (and What That Says About Us)

In the spirit of reports with titles like:

• Our Mania For Awards (and What It Says about Us)
  
• Traffic: Why We Drive the Way We Do (and What It Says about Us)
  
• Why We Went Zany for Zappos (and What It Says about Us)
  
• Deconstructing The Debate - Welfare (and What It Says about Us)
  
• The Troubling Paradox Behind State Uses Of Electrocution And Lethal Injection (and What It Says about Us)

Inside the Hotdog Factory has conducted a blind, exhaustive study about "What We Say About Ourselves (and What It Says about Us)."

For the most part, people are extraordinarily -- almost to the point of error, psychosis and boastery -- complimentary of themselves. After overhearing thousands upon thousands of cell phone conversations, Inside the Hotdog Factory has determined that modern North Americans between the ages of three and 73 are really into themselves.

This trend was offset by randomly uttered phrases, such as "Oh, I'm so stupid!" or "How dumb can I get?" But on the whole, these statements were followed by positively reinforcing remarks that were often tinged with delusions of grandeur.

Here's how the numbers break down:

• 3 percent of overheard cell phone conversations involved a person's plans for taking over the world
  
• 5 percent need new clothes
  
• 79 percent think they will one day be famous
  
• 13 percent believe they are already famous

So, what are we saying, and what does it say about us? Thirteen percent of those observed masturbated to pictures of themselves. Eighty-seven percent did so in front of mirrors.

The next study of this nature conducted by Inside the Hotdog Factory will be "The Many Faces of Ourselves in Our Auto-erotic Line-ups (and What It Says about Us).