Harper Government to spend $60 billion on new fighter jets for Canada

To a Member of Parliament who tends to respond to all communiques with a combination of Hallmark Cards and the Ministry of Truth:

Quick word game. Which word doesn't belong in the list:

Canada
Responsibility
Sound Research
Jet Fighters

I know you squiggled your mouse arrow over "Responsibility", but the correct answer is "Jet Fighters."

I understand the Harper Government Brain Trust seeks to spend $60 billion on jet fighters for Canada, while cutting $200 million from funding for research and monitoring of the environment. I'll bet those Tar Sands people sure find those environmental studies tiresome, and I'll bet those Tar Sands people are very generous contributors to anyone who can make tiresome obstacles in their path to the bank go away.

Now, I understand that the current fleet of Canadian fighter jets have seen a lot of action over the decades, what with the attempted Libyan invasion of 1972, the Lichenstein air power grab of 1974 over Labrador, Russia's famous and brazen sneak attack of 1977. And who could forget Cuba's numerous attempts to attack Canada by air: in 1981, '83, '87, '92, '93, '94, '97 and '99. Of course, this is not to forget the 1967 attempt by Greenland to overtake Canada with its fleet of walrus skin zeppelins, thinking we'd be too busy making merry over our Centennial to notice. Oh, but we noticed. And handed their Greenlandic asses to them -- via our superiority in the air, of course.

All these acts of aggression are ingrained in the Canadian psyche. Aside from worrying just how badly the Maple Leafs will do in a given year, Canadians are obsessed and terrified to think from where the next act of air aggression will come.

Thank goodness we've got the Harper Government -- always thinking, always working the angles -- to rescue Canadians from their anxiety, having the heart and fortitude to spend $60 billion of our tax dollars on a gleaming new fleet of fighter jets. Not even President-elect Michelle Bachmann would dream of attacking Canada knowing those lethal gems sit at the ready on our soil.

Thing is, I may have my history a little wrong. I might have remembered one or two too many attempted invasions from the past. I did forget to mention the FLA Crisis of 1970 and vital role Canadian fighter jets played in suppression that attempted coup d'etat.

I might have my history a little wrong, but I've got my present sufficiently sorted out to know that the Harper Government is subverting nearly every Canadian virtue in its relentless campaign to make Canada "America North." Whether it's bringing a Prison Industrial Complex to Canada and forcing these ridiculous, proven-to-be-ineffective mandatory minimums to courtrooms around the country, to handing over border security to the Americans (US Attorney General Eric Holder was recently lavish in his thanks for that), to the splintering and hobbling StatsCan and now defunding our research and monitoring of the environment.

(Right -- you insult and slap-down StatsCan saying its long form census questionnaire invades Canadians' privacy, and yet in your Bill C51, you want to monitor Canadians' every move on the Internet. Conservatives thy name is Hypocrite!)

What I don't understand is if Conservatives hate Canada so much, why in the world do you remain. There are tons of little breakaway republics around the world; little theocracies still living in the 12th century, where I thnk you'd be very happy.

The only consolation to the abomination of your governing is that you're quickly reminding Canadians why voting Conservative is just not an option; why your flavor of conservatism should go the way of Brian Mulroney's PC party.