Canada finally recognizes a long-abused and shunned constituency: its cannibals

For too long, Canada has shunned and overlooked a small and vulnerable segment of society: cannibals.

The Canadian Cannibal Community -- otherwise known as C³ -- has greeted the news of renowned Canadian Cannibal, Vince Li's newly expanded freedom with great excitement.

"This is a great step forward for Canadian Cannibalism," says Clover Nausch, C³ spokesman and cannibal with almost twenty years experience, "and dare I say, cannibalism around the world."

 From the New York Daily News:

The Criminal Code review board said Vince Li's treatment team may grant him short escorted trips into the central Canadian city of Selkirk, Manitoba. The review board said the passes will start at 30 minutes and increase incrementally to a maximum of full days.

"Canadian authorities finally understand that locking up cannibals will not bring back the victims of cannibalism," Nausch goes on. "Two wrongs don't make a right.

As Vince Li has a treatment team, Inside the Hotdog Factory attempted to contact the treatment team of Tim McLean, Li's victim.  Unfortunately, it was learned that the victim's family doesn't merit a "team".

"That's just how we do things," says Guy Fountainbleu, spokesman for Canada's Department of Justice. "Only offenders are assigned treatment teams."  

Inside the Hotdog Factory asked, "What then becomes of the victims and their family?"

"Only offenders are assigned treatment teams," Fountainblue reiterated.

So, now that Vincent Li is slowly being reintegrated back into the community, what does C³ have planned for him.

 "A barbecue," says Nausch. "Of course, Vincent won't be able to attend, but he'll be there in spirit. We're also very hopeful that he'll one day take up again his cancer research and his exciting studies in renewable energy."

When asked where the justice and fairness is in Vincent Li enjoying greater freedoms while the victim of his crime remains no less dead, Nausch replied, "I'll answer you with C³'s motto: 'Eat your heart out!'"