Tuesday, April 26, 2005

"C.E.O." stands for CHEAT EVERY ONE

They lurk in shadows and worship moonless nights. They enjoy biting into the soft spots on the top of babies heads. They seek to suck the marrow from your very soul.

Who are these monsters?

C.E.O.s of companies. All companies. Every company.

Nortel. Enron. Global Crossing. Tyco. Athur Anderssen. Hewlett-Packard. Ford Motor Company. Halliburton. Kellogg, Brown & Root. More companies. Other companies. All companies.

They are vampiric necrophiliac graverobbing swine.

For instance, wouldn't running an airline seem like a relatively profitable business? Yet we read in the news all the time how the industry needs to be bailed out by the government once each quarter. Every bottom rung employee in the industry is hit time after time with wage cuts. Where the hell is all this money going?

Into the vagina-mysterious pockets of C.E.O.'s silk trousers.

You know the C.E.O.s -- the soulless swine who believe that nicotine is not addictive. Who tell the public that investing in the stock market is the only way to "get ahead." That relocating tens of thousands of jobs to India, China, Mexico, etc., is beneficial for the North American economy.

C.E.O. stands for "Cheat Every One." They are not under oath. They speak only their heart's truth -- which is a cavernous lie. They are possessed of greed and gluttony that would embarrass Satan himself.

DaimlerChrysler wants $300 million to build a paint shop in Windsor, Ontario. Why the hell doesn't DC pay for that itself? Because, being the responsible, loving, patriarchal example for good and clean living, DaimlerChrysler will shop around until it finds a community that will foot the bill for its facility. I've heard people put a positive spin on this way of doing business. I can't seem to remember how it goes.

As Ford Canada quietly relocated a number of its Toronto customer service jobs to Florida, all I can do is quote Samuel L. Jackson from the movie Jackie Brown, "Bully for that nigger."

My question is -- when C.E.O.s have finally succeeded in laying off the entire North American economy, forcing everyone to become a McJob holding Wal-Mart wage slave, who the fuck will be able to afford your products? Are former Ford employees going to buy Fords? Are Hewlett-Packard employees who have been screwed around by HP going to buy HP products? Are people with no jobs, or poverty-level waged jobs, going to be able to afford anything?

Maybe when that time comes, the corporations will begin importing consumers.

C.E.O.s -- may you pierce a testicle sitting on your golden billfolds.


RossK said...

Thanks Matt.

You're really stomping on the terra these days.

To butcher Van Morrison....


Thursday said...

A fine curse at the end, there. I'm going to have to steal it.

For your own good, of course.