Thursday, April 14, 2005

May the Next Pope be as Fiery and Dogmatic as the Last Pope



A recap of Pope John Paul II's social conscience highlights:

Today Pope John Paul II lashed out against world wide poverty and starvation:

"People should help people."

Today Pope John Paul II condemned world wide violence:

"People should be nice to people."

This morning during his Eucharist homily Pope John Paul II offered a scathing rebuke to munitions makers profiting from world wide wars:

"People should share with people."

This afternoon during his weekly radio address Pope John Paul II had harsh words for those violently expropriating land in various African nations:

"People should not steal from people, and hurt them."

Today during his weekly address to the citizens of Vatican City Pope John Paul II verbally immolated those engaged in pornography:

"People should not take pictures of naked people."

At his monthly conference with cardinals Pope John Paul II made a blistering attack on gangsta rappers:

"People should not sing about putting 'caps' in the asses of people."

During his bi-annual conference with bishops Pope John Paul II offered unprecedented criticism of makers of carbonated drinks:

"People should not make drinks that make people belch."

During "An Audience with the Pope," in which Pope John Paul II was made an honorary Harlem Globetrotter, His Holiness made a bombastic declaration regarding the debate about raising NBA hoops from their current regulation height of ten feet, to a height of twelve or fourteen feet.

"People should not change rules engraved in stone by other people."

On the anniversary of the Holy Mother's visitation at Fatima, Pope John Paul II spoke out about the years-old mugging of American journalist Dan Rather, and his assailant's bizarre utterance, "What's the frequency, Kenneth?"

"People should not utter nonsense while robbing people."

While in Kerry, Ireland visiting the shrine of the Holy Stone of Clonrickett, Pope John Paul II orally eviscerated contemporary pop music, particularly "boy bands" and "too-sexy pop divas":

"People should listen to the Beatles."

1 comment:

Gazetteer said...

Apparently, Roger Freakin' Ailes now has Kenneth's Frequency!