The Jackal Sleeps Tonight -- No more days for Kenneth Lay

Somewhere a news conference should be convened and a framed picture of Kenneth Lay, former Enron Vampire in Chief, held aloft at the podium announcing, "We got him."

Kenneth Lay, a thief of unbounded gall, died today. Personally, I believe he faked his death in order to avoid serving time in jail after being found guilty of massive fraud in the Enron debacle. What proof do I have? None, besides the man himself. Ken Lay widely demonstrated himself to be a liar, a thief, a fraud, a cannibal, a necrophiliac grave-robber. Although he and his wife made grand claims of being financially wiped out by the fall of Enron, who believes that?

No, I believe Ken Lay faked his death, threw a dollars at a coroner to falsify a death certificate, and will now live out the remainder of his ill-gotten days with his ill-gotten gains in a place at the far end of the reach of cable television and high-speed Internet.

If his wife remains in the United States, she should be jailed in Lay's place. If a man running for office dies and his wife can take his seat in Congress or the Senate or the Governor's mansion, surely Mrs. Kenneth Lay should serve her husband's jail sentence.

No amount of acrimonious prose can even begin to articulate the crimes of Kenneth Lay. I've never risen higher in a company than being underling to the lowest person on the totem pole. So when I read about the executive looting of Enron during its collapse, and how ordinary employees were encouraged (cowed) into purchasing as much Enron stock as they could afford -- only to be unable to sell off that stock when the suits in the ivory tower capsized the joint -- I knew which side of the issue I fell on. Seeing on the news a retired janitor a few years ago, who had miraculously built his 401K account up to more than a million dollars, only to have that account worth less than $9,000 after the Enron jackals had their way with the money. That is Ken Lay's legacy. He would steal the glass eye out of your head. He'd build a nest in your ear and then charge you rent. He was as wretched a human being as this troubled world can produce.

Watching Ken Lay's denials on television as he testified before Congress about the mess he and Jackal Skilling had created with their cadre of yes-men, was a clinic in perjury and the very definition of "going through the motions." From my seat on the bleachers, I've always figured the stock market was a scam. Enron proved the truth of that belief beyond any shadow of a doubt.

I can hear someone in the balcony shouting down, "Hey! Whatever happened to 'guilty until proven innocent'?!"

Well, Ken Lay went on trial for his crimes and he was found guilty.

So, Kenny-Boy has gone the great lemonade stand in the sky to steal coins out of St. Peter's couch. I don't, however, believe Kenneth "Grave-Robbing Swine" Lay is dead. Until I see a framed photograph of his dead face held above the head of someone announcing "We got him", I'll be watching for supermarket tabloid sightings of that pole cat emanating from Maui or Pango Pango or Jackson Hole.