Negatunities Abound for "Deviant" Behavior of AmorGroup at Camp Sullivan, Kabul, Afghanistan

Sirs,

Adversity often brings with it certain negatunities. The recent publicity about so-called "deviant" behavior at Camp Sullivan (A.K.A. the American Embassy) in Kabul, Afghanistan among AmorGroup -- who guards the place -- may seem bad on the surface, but I am writing to assure you that marketing, PR, and even entertainment franchise opportunities abound.

First, from the POGO Letter to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton regarding U.S. Embassy in Kabul:

Numerous emails, photographs, and videos portray a Lord of the Flies environment. One email from a current guard describes scenes in which guards and supervisors are "peeing on people, eating potato chips out of [buttock] cracks, vodka shots out of [buttock] cracks (there is video of that one), broken doors after drnken [sic] brawls, threats and intimidation from those leaders participating in this activity…." (Attachment 2) Photograph after photograph shows guards-- including supervisors -- at parties in various stages of nudity, sometimes fondling each other. These parties take place just a few yards from the housing of other supervisors.

This isn't as a bad as it sounds. The reference to Lord of the Flies isn't great, but luckily, no one reads anymore, so the reference is lost everyone except the few nosey finks who'd even look at this letter. Next, the actions of AmorGroup in Kabul have been compared to the antics of the fun-loving roustabouts in the 1978 John Landis film, Animal House. This may be considered a PR win. The film Animal House depicts non-stop fun and hijinx. Sure, there are varying degrees of raunchiness to its merriment, but all of it is harmless, which is the most important thing.

Next, there is marketing potential in the ArmorGroup's frolicking, namely snacks and alcoholic beverage endorsements. May I ask, what brand of potato chips do ArmorGroup personnel prefer to eat from one anothers' buttocks cracks? Similarly, what brand of vodka -- or other alcoholic beverages -- do they drink from each others' behinds? I understand that video of these exploits exist. I will give you the email address of our "viral video guru," Calvin Ligula. He can have that footage uploaded to YouTube and other venues within 24 hours of receiving it. We also have power-user accounts on social media sites, such as Digg.com and Reddit.com, to ensure that we saturate your target audience with those images.

With the success of the animated TV series Family Guy, the Jackass franchise, Bum Fights, and the like, I have great hopes for an "AmorGroup Gone Wild" series of videos to spin-off from the initial product marketing campaign. So far, you've had excellent exposure -- if you'll pardon the accidental pun -- having been featured on the very enviable Web site, Gawker.com. That is a wonderful start; something my company could help you build upon.

I look forward to hearing from you, gentlemen! In the meantime, please remember that every cloud has a silver lining, and every buttock crack potentially has a tasty potato chip hiding within!

Yours,
Nigel Tepwater
Executive Vice President, Corporate Client Outreach
SilverLining Marketing Systems