Is there any way to go around Stephen Harper with the Canadian census?

From the Montreal Gazette: The Conservatives' stand on census is an eye-opener -- Despite reason and science, Harper refuses to budge.

When there's a boulder in the road, a human being's natural inclination is to look for a way around it.

Regarding the Canadian census, that boulder in the road is Stephen Harper and his merry band of born-again Conservatives, who are impervious to reason, blind to science and deaf to anyone who is not Jesus Christ.

The Conservatives want to do away with the mandatory long form census and replace it with a voluntary short form census, even though Munir Sheikh, Statistics Canada's now former chief statistician "testified at a parliamentary committee that a voluntary survey would produce biased data and a much lower response rate. The quality of the data could no longer be guaranteed".

After all, the Conversatives say, what's guaranteed in this world other than our place in heaven?

As one prospective census taker, I must admit I think it's ridiculous that the long form census in Canada includes questions such as "How many bedrooms are in your home?" and "What time do you leave for work in the morning?" Yes, I've heard the social workers on the radio explaining why they believe such questions should be asked.

At the same time, the Conservatives' stance on the subject is so irrational, so poorly explained by them, so laughable and ludicrous, people are starting to wonder: What exactly is Stephen Harper's agenda?

He wants to cloud and obscure, skew and manipulate census data in Canada.

Why?

It's as though Stephen Harper is wants to lower a towel over a canary cage -- the canary cage, in this instance, being Canada.

Is he then going to say the populace is primarily compliant Manchurians when he sells the country to China?

So that he can tell the U.N. that everyone moved elsewhere and then allow the RCMP to act upon its long-simmering agenda to enslave the Canadian people?

I'm sure there any number of reasons why this wouldn't work, but could it be possible that each province conduct its own mandatory long form census and then each, in turn, provide that data to Statistics Canada?

I realize the census is a federal endeavor, but it seems our federal government has ceased to function rationally. However, shit still needs to get done.

Maybe Stephen Harper's objection to the long form census is similar to mine -- the question about the bedrooms. Maybe he's not prepared to count the number of mansions in his father's house.

Love on Trial

There is a monumental court case occurring in Windsor at this moment between a "lonely hearts" heart doctor and the Jewish matchmaker who callowly took the doc's money, but didn't provide him with a match.

I'm writing to ask what The South Lyons & Underglen Township Sentinel's position is on this crushing matter!

I don't want to seem critical, but why isn't this front page news in South Lyons & Underglen Township?

We have doctors.

We have hearts.

We want love.

This is a hard-hitting case that targets the very essence of what it is to be a human being.

And now this dramatic turn in the case -- that the presiding judge is "losing patience" with the plaintiff and defendant. I thought our justices were to remain impartial and unemotional! Now that the judge's patience has come in to play, I believe the only thing left to do is for deputy judge William Salem to recuse himself from the trial.

Will love triumph over greed? Is the heart doctor -- oh-so-smart when dealing with others' hearts, blind, deaf and dumb when it comes to dealing with his own? Is the Jewish matchmaker working providing the due diligence it promised at the outset?

These matters are now before an impatient judge!

Please provide some editorial guidance so S.L.U.T.ers have some idea who to think about this trial!

I hate the human touch. These guys make prostitutes seem like old school chums.

After reading Paul A. Toth's excellent article Take This Logo and Call Me in the Morning, about the world of drug reps:

"Reps may be genuinely friendly, but they are not genuine friends. Drug reps are selected for their presentability and outgoing natures, and are trained to be observant, personable, and helpful. They are also trained to assess physicians' personalities, practice styles, and preferences, and to relay this information back to the company. Personal information may be more important than prescribing preferences. Reps ask for and remember details about a physician's family life, professional interests, and recreational pursuits. A photo on a desk presents an opportunity to inquire about family members and memorize whatever tidbits are offered (including names, birthdays, and interests). . .

Which reminded me, once again, that we live in an endlessly sleazy world.

When it comes to my dealings with the outside world, I always prefer to be a number.

I prefer dealing via email and leaving messages on voicemail.

People say they want "the human touch."

But what is that worth when it's complete and utter superficial, baldfaced bullshit?

Phony human contact is preferable to merely getting a task done?

For instance, when I refill my prescription, I love my pharmacy's automated system. When I renewed my license plate tag, I did it online, thrilled not to have to deal with a human being. I hope it was a machine that licked the envelope shut when the tag was finally sent to me.

What do I want people inquiring about my wife and interests if those inquiries are complete bullshit? And when dealing with a rep of any kind, it's obviously bullshit?

For instance, I despise dealing with my financial guy -- such as those dealings are on the few pennies I earn each month. He wants to talk, to schmooze, to chew my fucking ear off. I want to merely give him a check so that he can put my money in absolutely the most safe, uninteresting, dull bond as possible.

At my wits end that none of my preamble to our annual meetings were being heeded, saying to him in the email I sent to make the appointment: "I just want to drop a check off. I have absolutely no interest in the stock market, in investing, in anything", I finally wrote to him, saying that I was going to go elsewhere unless he just quietly accepted my check. He finally fucking did.

I hate the human touch. These guys make prostitutes seem like old school chums.

The Immigration Crisis That May Be Closer Than Canada Thinks

The perfect storm that will usher in America’s disintegration has pretty much arrived:

• 46 of the 50 states teeter on the brink of bankruptcy
  
• Ordinary Americans have become obsolete
  
• “strict constructionists” like Senator Lindsey Graham want to do away with “birthright citizenship”
  
• Millions of Americans have lost their homes to foreclosure
  
• Millions of Americans have no health insurance
  
• All the while, America’s oligarchs are receiving record bonuses for tanking the economy
  
• The Republican Tea Party's Contract on America

From MSNBC on Generation Y:

They are perhaps the best-educated generation ever, but they can’t find jobs. Many face staggering college loans and have moved back in with their parents. Even worse, their difficulty in getting careers launched could set them back financially for years.

As General Corman said to Captain Willard in Apocalypse Now, “Every man has his breaking point.”

And it's on its way to millions of Americans as I write this.

Where will Americans turn when the blight of Detroit meets the neglect of New Orleans; the two scabbed hands joining in the middle of the country and the Dick Cheneys of the US have turned every last city leprous?

They will flood into Canada: The Land That Can’t Say “No.”

All that's keeping that from happening right now are two things: (a) Americans are so poorly educated, they can't find Canada on a map; (b) Engraved on their brainstems is the credo "America is the greatest nation the world has ever known!"

Otherwise, the people of Wal-Mart would overtake Canada in a heartbeat. They'd lose their shit over our poutine.

President Platitude and his dysfunctional multitude are only putting off the inevitable.

The end is nigh, whether you believe in 2012 or the Rapture, peak oil or that the Federal Reserve cannot continue printing money out of thin air. Eventually Tea Party candidates will be voted into office. America will go through two or three decades of Mad Max and The Post Man as the wheels fall off the apple cart entirely.

While the strong and masochistic remain to rebuild, the other 280 million citizens of the United States will find their way into Canada. And why not? There’s free health care, good education, gay marriage and decriminalized marijuana. There is also better beer, better pizza and a little something we call courtesy. That last may be a shock to the system of the average American, but no more than a bout of Montezuma’s Revenge.

The question is, is Canada ready for this influx?

Although Canada is not ready to address its shortage of doctors or dearth of other educated professionals, we can’t seem to get enough taxi drivers. So long as you’re surly, grudgingly willing to give civilized society a try and don’t carry out honor killings within view of a police station, each new arrival will receive the requisite bar of soap-on-a-rope, bathrobe, pension, free education/job training and accommodation.

New arrivals probably won’t even be forced to live in remote regions.

I will watch developments closely because there is one thing I want out of the coming disaster and mass migration of the American populace:

I want Lou Dobbs as my caddy.

A Clockwork Canada

Canada gets a lot of things right. One thing it inherently gets wrong on a consistently mind-blowing basis is criminal justice. It’s as though Canada believes itself so civilized that when it comes to dealing with criminals, the Crown acts as though it doesn’t even know what crime is.

Canadians in positions of power and responsibility seem to have no idea how to deal with people convicted of crimes.

Canadian justices seem to believe that a simple tongue-lashing -- cloaked in moth-ball ridden, Upper Canada College adenoidal disappointment -- is enough to reform the convicted arsonist, rapist, amateur pugilist or murderer.

Canadian justices believe themselves to wield such godlike power, they dare not raise their voices when dealing with a convicted pedophile for fear of causing the courthouse to explode around them.

Unfortunately for Canadian society, nobody but our justices believe they wield such godlike power. They are not the Hercules of the bench. There are no King Solomons among them, wise and weighing fact without emotion. They are not the sentinels of justice.

They are a delusional rag-tag bunch of toxically arrogant, out-of-touch, overgrown fetuses.

Canadian justices are veal calves, valued because they have never engaged in the muscle-contraction of thought. Their life experiences are encased in tomb-like law tomes, briefs (which is also a synonym for underwear), files and whatever cartoons play without end behind their eyelids.

Hence, the Canadian judicial system is a farcical, maddening mechanism that operates like a poorly maintained cuckoo clock.

Hence, this judicial blowjob applied in an Ontario court recently:

It looked like Justice Donald Downie was about to criminally convict Const. Brad Snyder for an assault committed on Sept. 26, 2009.

Snyder, a former Olympic shot putter who stands an imposing six-foot-five and weighs about 280 pounds, had pleaded guilty to delivering blows to the head and lower body of Rod Wuschenny, who had been arrested for public intoxication in the early hours that morning.
. . .

. . . the judge shocked many people by giving the constable a conditional discharge. Snyder walked out of the courtroom with no criminal conviction on his record, even though the judge said that would be the normal sentence in response to a guilty plea.

The reason? The judge chose to let Snyder's past good deeds, volunteerism and perhaps his Olympic record overshadow the assault committed on that September day. Much of that should have been irrelevant, given his position on the force. Snyder was being tried on the facts of the case, and by his own admission he was guilty.
. . .

(In fact, the intoxication charge against Wuschenny was later withdrawn.)

It doesn’t help when David Foulds, who represented the Ministry of the Attorney General in the case “surprised people when he also spoke to Snyder's athletic accomplishments and community activities. ‘He's a very accomplished human,’ he said.”

With prosecuting attorneys like that, who needs a defense attorney?

When the clownishness isn’t in evidence, however, the Canadian justice system can be a dangerously awkward, useless pendulum that swings from applying slaps on the wrists to rapists and arsonists, to perpetrating abhorrent acts on young offenders. There appears to be no "middle way" in Canadian Judas Prudence.

This is where it turns into A Clockwork Canada:

The B.C. government has suspended a controversial test called a penile plethysmograph, which it was using to assess young sex offenders to determine their risk of reoffending after treatment.
. . .

During the test, a youth would attach a device to his penis that is designed to measure his physical sexual arousal.

Researchers in another room then play images of adults having sex, followed by images of naked children and infants, as they monitor the youth's level of arousal, according to Robert Holmes, the president of the B.C. Civil Liberties Association.

The images are accompanied by audio of a male voice that describes forced intercourse with male and female infants as young as two, according to Holmes.

The youth's genitals are covered by a sheet during the testing, and the youth is monitored by researchers behind one-way glass who measure whether or not there is some kind of stimulation effect, said Holmes.

"Male children, often abuse victims themselves, are subjected to this treatment by a government responsible for their care and well-being," said Holmes.

The youth subjects are predominantly children involved in the criminal justice system in B.C., he said.

So, the Dr. Strangeloves of the Great White North will scurry back into the dark corners of their labs and classrooms until more grant money appears or another Royal Commission looking at deviance sounds their siren call.

In the meantime, Canadian society walks the tightrope between judicial fellatio of convicted criminals and the demented droog culture of our over-educated, twisted psychologists and sociologists.

Clearly, the message is, “Don’t get involved with this system on any level.”

Fly the slap-happy skies with Masochistic Airlines

Those other airlines think they make air travel miserable? Lightweights!

Face it, the only people flying these days are masochists. That's nothing to be ashamed of.

Since the economy is based upon the creation, manipulation, transfer and hedging of meaningless financial products that nobody owns for more than 15 minutes, it's not like people are traveling for business anymore.

And the recession, Gulf oil leak and the TSA in general, have pretty much ended recreational air travel.

So, the only people flying are the avariciously affluent and the hopelessly masochistic.

Although the introduction of extra fees for carry-on baggage and additional leg room sated masochists at first, there has been outcry from this demographic for more.

For this reason American Airlines, Delta, Northwest and Spirit have pooled their resources into a consortium of premium airline punishment called Masochist Airlines.

On every flight you can expect:

• Cabin crew of convicted felons and/or mental patients whose insurance ran out -- violent histories are guaranteed!


• The most exorbitant fees for carry-on luggage


• No in-flight service


• No toilet facilities, even on flights to Asia and Australia


• No recycled air -- count yourself lucky it's even pressurized!


• Perpetual "petting zoo" odor

So, you're asking yourself, "I can get that on any other flight on any other airline. What makes Masochist Airlines so special?"

In a word: our seats.

Masochist Airlines has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars buying up seats from American military transport planes that formerly shuttled prisoners from Afghanistan to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, complete with their buttocks-butchering spikes.

Are you a masochist who's too soft for mutilation?

No problem! Masochist Airlines will retract the seat spikes for a fee. A big, fat, unjustifiably gross fee.

Air travel has never been so awful! Guaranteed!

Police Car Torched Outside of G(angster)20 Summit

Nobody has to convince me that there are assholes in the world.

I believe citizens have every right in the world to peacefully protest, particularly against an entity like the G(angster)20, which seems to cost us more and more jobs every time they meet.

The image of the police cruiser burning in Toronto during the demonstrations was certainly a potent image. I'm curious about the circumstances surrounding it being torched.

For instance, why was the car left unattended? I would have thought the police would keep better track of their equipment.

This isn't sarcasm.

Besides there being a shotgun inside the cruiser, there is the MDT (Mobile Data Terminal) laptop -- with all kinds of sensitive data on it -- zip ties, the radio, not to mention the vehicle itself, which could be driven off, or into a crowd or a building.

So, how did this cruiser get stranded?

Were the cops surrounding it overrun by rioters?

Because the battle in the streets of Toronto was only one arm of the PR battle being waged over TV, print media and the Internet between The Establishment and The Citizenry.

The image of a burning police car was like a grenade blast in that battle, going off in the face of the protesters.

Was the cruiser purposely left in a vulnerable spot so the authorities could avail of that potent image of lawlessness?

I have no idea. If someone know what happened, please let me know.

Canada: Spies Like Us -- Richard Fadden

Canada's top spy recently ran away at the mouth, revealing more information than he had intended, spilling the beans, letting the cat out of the bag, placing all of his cards on the table about Canadian politicians being unduly influenced by foreign operatives.

Believing there's no use crying over spilt milk -- or secrets -- Richard Fadden, Canada's Spook-in-Chief, announced today that he won’t resign as a result of his faux pas.

Yes, that’s Canadian government in a nutshell:

(a) Filled with people completely unsuited for the jobs they hold;
(b) Wreaking untold havoc and embarrassing themselves in those jobs;
(c) Driven by a steadfast unwillingness to give up those jobs.

From The Star.com:

OTTAWA-In a surprise move, Canada’s chief spy stood by his comments that some Canadian politicians are being unduly influenced by foreign power.

But while telling a parliamentary committee he regrets the making the candid remarks, Richard Fadden said emphatically he would not resign his position as CSIS director because he violated no law.

Expected to back away from comments made in a recent television interview, Fadden instead told the committee “it is a concern and a threat.”
. . .
In a speech recorded by the CBC TV and in follow up questions with CBC's The National, Fadden said that some Canadian politicians, including unnamed provincial cabinet ministers, and municipal employees are under the influence of foreign governments.
. . .
Fadden emphasized that his candid comments in no way threatened national security.

Maybe Canadians need to become foreign lobbyists in order to have any influence with our government. Canadian politicians and bureaucrats are certainly immune to anything the electorate has to say to them or about them. Citizens are now forced to take on different incarnations in order to be heard by their elected officials.

Inside the Hotdog Factory is now taking passport applications for its newly incorporated principality of Lobbyistan. As with Canada, the criteria for prospective citizens is wide open. If you breathe air, you’re what Lobbyistan is looking for!

In the meantime, if anyone reading this blog post works with Richard Fadden, be sure you don’t allow any secrets of any importance near him. I hear he has a problem with saying too much -- a distinctly unCanadian failing.