A Clockwork Canada

Canada gets a lot of things right. One thing it inherently gets wrong on a consistently mind-blowing basis is criminal justice. It’s as though Canada believes itself so civilized that when it comes to dealing with criminals, the Crown acts as though it doesn’t even know what crime is.

Canadians in positions of power and responsibility seem to have no idea how to deal with people convicted of crimes.

Canadian justices seem to believe that a simple tongue-lashing -- cloaked in moth-ball ridden, Upper Canada College adenoidal disappointment -- is enough to reform the convicted arsonist, rapist, amateur pugilist or murderer.

Canadian justices believe themselves to wield such godlike power, they dare not raise their voices when dealing with a convicted pedophile for fear of causing the courthouse to explode around them.

Unfortunately for Canadian society, nobody but our justices believe they wield such godlike power. They are not the Hercules of the bench. There are no King Solomons among them, wise and weighing fact without emotion. They are not the sentinels of justice.

They are a delusional rag-tag bunch of toxically arrogant, out-of-touch, overgrown fetuses.

Canadian justices are veal calves, valued because they have never engaged in the muscle-contraction of thought. Their life experiences are encased in tomb-like law tomes, briefs (which is also a synonym for underwear), files and whatever cartoons play without end behind their eyelids.

Hence, the Canadian judicial system is a farcical, maddening mechanism that operates like a poorly maintained cuckoo clock.

Hence, this judicial blowjob applied in an Ontario court recently:

It looked like Justice Donald Downie was about to criminally convict Const. Brad Snyder for an assault committed on Sept. 26, 2009.

Snyder, a former Olympic shot putter who stands an imposing six-foot-five and weighs about 280 pounds, had pleaded guilty to delivering blows to the head and lower body of Rod Wuschenny, who had been arrested for public intoxication in the early hours that morning.
. . .

. . . the judge shocked many people by giving the constable a conditional discharge. Snyder walked out of the courtroom with no criminal conviction on his record, even though the judge said that would be the normal sentence in response to a guilty plea.

The reason? The judge chose to let Snyder's past good deeds, volunteerism and perhaps his Olympic record overshadow the assault committed on that September day. Much of that should have been irrelevant, given his position on the force. Snyder was being tried on the facts of the case, and by his own admission he was guilty.
. . .

(In fact, the intoxication charge against Wuschenny was later withdrawn.)

It doesn’t help when David Foulds, who represented the Ministry of the Attorney General in the case “surprised people when he also spoke to Snyder's athletic accomplishments and community activities. ‘He's a very accomplished human,’ he said.”

With prosecuting attorneys like that, who needs a defense attorney?

When the clownishness isn’t in evidence, however, the Canadian justice system can be a dangerously awkward, useless pendulum that swings from applying slaps on the wrists to rapists and arsonists, to perpetrating abhorrent acts on young offenders. There appears to be no "middle way" in Canadian Judas Prudence.

This is where it turns into A Clockwork Canada:

The B.C. government has suspended a controversial test called a penile plethysmograph, which it was using to assess young sex offenders to determine their risk of reoffending after treatment.
. . .

During the test, a youth would attach a device to his penis that is designed to measure his physical sexual arousal.

Researchers in another room then play images of adults having sex, followed by images of naked children and infants, as they monitor the youth's level of arousal, according to Robert Holmes, the president of the B.C. Civil Liberties Association.

The images are accompanied by audio of a male voice that describes forced intercourse with male and female infants as young as two, according to Holmes.

The youth's genitals are covered by a sheet during the testing, and the youth is monitored by researchers behind one-way glass who measure whether or not there is some kind of stimulation effect, said Holmes.

"Male children, often abuse victims themselves, are subjected to this treatment by a government responsible for their care and well-being," said Holmes.

The youth subjects are predominantly children involved in the criminal justice system in B.C., he said.

So, the Dr. Strangeloves of the Great White North will scurry back into the dark corners of their labs and classrooms until more grant money appears or another Royal Commission looking at deviance sounds their siren call.

In the meantime, Canadian society walks the tightrope between judicial fellatio of convicted criminals and the demented droog culture of our over-educated, twisted psychologists and sociologists.

Clearly, the message is, “Don’t get involved with this system on any level.”