Trumponium Epiphany - His Presidency Won't Be So Bad

Donald Trump is going to win the American Presidential election, and it's OK. 

America and much of the world survived George W. Bush, arguably the worst president in American history.  If W. didn't launch the nukes by his first Valentine's Day in office, Trump is even less likely.  Hillary Clinton, on the other hand, no doubt has a list of enemies sewn into the lining of her favorite pants suit.

There is a fundamental difference between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.

Show Donald Trump a map of the world, and the first thing he thinks about is where to build  casinos.

Show Hillary Clinton a map of the world, and the first thing she thinks about is where to start bombing and bring FREEDOM^TM.

Compare Hillary's history of "pay to play" versus Donald Trumps ventures, and the casual observer would be hard-pressed to identify who is the actual huckster.

Donald Trump is that loud, drunk guy at the company golf tournament, with the crazy, slashing sunburn across his face because he was too short-sighted to wear a hat or sunscreen.  He's loud and laughing at stuff that's not funny, making jokes that aren't funny.  He's got his arm around people who politely peel themselves out of his sweaty clinch.  He scans the room looking for a kindred soul, and finds none.  But a strange kind of hilarity coalesces around the guy, that even though he, personally, is not humorous, there is humor in his existence, in his spectacle, in how few fucks he gives about creating that spectacle.  And if you're able to remain outside his vortex and observe from afar, soon the clownish asshole is greater than the sum of his parts, and you're laughing, imagining telling your friends about him the next day, thinking about how you'll describe the ridiculous sunburn he's got that an eleven year old would be smart enough to avoid getting.  And his once-obnoxious guffaws roll in like waves.  One or two or a handful of such laughs are intolerable, but the sheer onslaught of them, the magnitude, the plenitude, the unendingness of those humorless guffaws -- is hilarious.  The man's commitment to being The Asshole, at some point, becomes almost admirable.  That's he's willing to be Loud Guy, Drunk Guy, a Figure of Fun, with the blazing red stripe across his sweaty, leering face, the mask of Comedy and Tragedy all at once.  And then you contemplate the hangover he'll doubtless have the following morning, and you feel a rush of compassion for the lout, that he would take on the mantle of Town Foole for the rest of us, have his blow-out in the most inappropriate of venues, sweat stains under his arms, crude remarks mixed with the odd, insightful insult spill from his lips.  Slip into his vortex and you risk a sweaty hug.  If you're a woman, you'll surely have your ass pinched.  A man would endure an avalanche of backslapping.  But as long as the proper distance is maintained, observing That Guy, The Fool, The Figure of Fun is cathartic.

That is Donald Trump.

And then there is Hillary Clinton, who would build a nest in your ear and charge you rent. 

The real reason Donald Trump would make an excellent president is because he doesn't want to govern.  He just wants to be president:

One day this past May, Donald Trump’s eldest son, Donald Trump Jr., reached out to a senior adviser to Gov. John Kasich of Ohio... (who spoke only under the condition that he not be named), [saying] Donald Jr. wanted to make him an offer... Did he have any interest in being the most powerful vice president in history?

When Kasich’s adviser asked how this would be the case, Donald Jr. explained that his father’s vice president would be in charge of domestic and foreign policy.

Then what, the adviser asked, would Trump be in charge of?

“Making America great again” was the casual reply.

If Trump took it into his mind to govern -- unlikely -- his ideas are so radical and unhinged, not even the Republican House and Senate would pass his legislation.  There is a reason why most Republican Congressmen and Senators were reluctant to endorse Trump and why they still find it hard to like him -- because he forces them to be responsible human beings.  His prejudice is so overt that they're in the uncomfortable position of asking a fellow rich white guy to "reel it in".  And this is painful to them.  His alienating ideas of how to bully the rest of the world cause even war hawks to demur. 

Most of all, the outrageous egos of the House and Senate Republicans have now met their match and have been found wanting.  Against the flashlight beam ego of your average citizen, the Klieg light ego of a politician is blinding and overwhelming. 

Enter Donald Trump's ego -- the dual suns of Tattooine!

What would Donald Trump legislation look like?

• Putting his face on all United States currency.
• Sales tax amnesty one day per year for all American men named "Donald".
• Making Twitter the national bird. 
• Wet T-shirt contests on the South Lawn of the White House. 
• Taco Tuesdays.  

I say, give him a chance.  It's his turn.