"This aggression will not stand!" -- Campus cop is sent away wearing only his trousers

From The Windsor Star:

WINDSOR, Ont. — Dozens of union members descended on the University of Windsor Monday morning after the campus police union chairman was suspended and apparently had to leave work shirtless.

CAW 195 president Gerry Farnham said the university has refused to tell the union what prompted the suspension. Stan Venerable was suspended Friday and apparently told to hand in his badge, keys and uniform, even though he had no other clothes with him. Protesters at the rally said Venerable took his shirt off, but walked out with his pants on.

As he was escorted off campus, students witnessed Venerable's sizable beer belly straining over the waist band of his trousers -- confirmed to have a delusional 32-inch circumference -- and are now undergoing grief counseling.

"I can't unsee the bad man!" cried first year nursing student, Kristi Nunac. "I had no idea the human body could take on such disfiguring form! I'll probably have to change my major to in geography or business. Anything so I won't ever have to see a human body again!"

Second year kinesiology student, Katie Tittinger, remarked, "I can't unhave the nightmare. I may never have children now. How can I ever look at a man's body again?"

It remains unknown what offense Mr. Venerable committed that necessitated him being dismissed so abruptly, but we at Inside the Hotdog Factory can only think the worst. Was it murder? Rape? Indecent exposure? Inappropriate texting on a university-issued device? We can only hope.