Saturday, May 29, 2010

The plan behind Canada's lame, dysfunctional hay-wired, misfired judicial system


Is it possible that by doing all they can to keep criminals out of prison, Canadian judges are setting the stage for the day when law abiding Canadians will request to live in prisons in order to be safe?

Will Canadian prisons be the high-priced condos of the future?

If everywhere we turn in "free" society, we run into paroled-and-pardoned child molesters, paroled-and-pardoned murderers -- sex offenders, wife beaters, thieves of every stripe, just coming off of a few hours of house arrest -- maybe jail is the one place of solitude where Canadians who have no interest in crime, could reside in peace.

Canadian prisons could be the Watergate hotels of the 21st Century. The Watergate, in its heyday, had apartment blocks, office space, shopping outlets, restaurants. It was the ultimate in never-have-to-go-outside living.

Since Canada also doesn't give a shit about pollution, maybe we're destined to become a nation of Indoorsmen.

But then, in typical Canadian form, the inevitable will happen: Criminals will sue to gain entry into our safe, cozy prisons.

They'll claim that the high rents and intense scrutiny of every prospective prison dweller undergoes are discriminatory, and intended solely to discourage the "undesirables" from the elite living accommodations. Provincial Human Rights Tribunals will rise to the occasion doing whatever's necessary to equalize the demographics of our prison population.

The next step in the inexorable decline of Canadian prison living: crime in prison.

The shoplifters will be drawn to the inviting stores in our prison malls. Since only the affluent and well-heeled will live in Canadian prisons, thieves and drug addicts will be slavering to get in, with all the accompanying murder and rape that are often ancillary parts of their transactions.

Canadian justices will continue to reside in their ivory towers in whatever alternate universe they spend their off-hours, soaking in the amniotic fluid of babies who've gone to Limbo.

Rent controls will infiltrate our prisons.

As demographic that amuses itself by sledgehammering toilets, graffitiing public areas, and swarming lone elderly walkers as they return to their cells from the shops, the rabbit-droves of Canadians with no interest in crime will flee their prison malls, prison Tim Horton's, prison HMV, prison poutine, prison First Choice, prison workplaces, prison churches, prison living spaces for the newly deloused city dwellings back in the old world.

Back in Canada 1.0.

3 comments:

Tor Hershman said...

"If everywhere we turn in "free" society, we run into paroled-and-pardoned child molesters, paroled-and-pardoned murderers -- sex offenders, wife beaters, thieves of every stripe, just coming off of a few hours of house arrest -- maybe jail is the one place of solitude where Canadians who have no interest in crime, could reside in peace."

Awwwwwww, just do what the ole U. S. of A. does, put 'em political office so you knowz where's they @.

Purple Squirrel said...

I would like to sign-up for one of these "indoorsmen" roles, sounds like a great place where I can stuff done. I also like the suggestion of these prison malls you speak of, but who's gonna make the license plates in the future?

Whetam Gnauckweirst said...

Hell, our license plates are made in Korea or Thailand, are they not? The only thing Canada makes, homegrown, are people who are bled away to the States in the Grande Braindrain.