In a coincidence so contrived it might have come out of a James Cameron film, American psy-ops (psychological operations) technicians have finally pulled the plug on their most successful bogeyman yet: Osama Bin Laden.
With waning support of its foreign wars, declining confidence in its intelligence community, the American public was ripe for the latest psy-ops coup.
As the 10th anniversary of the September 11, 2001 attacks approaches, and along with it a raft of uncomfortable questions as to why American forces and intelligence could not track down the deed's so-called "mastermind", today's announcement of the death of Osama Bin Laden closes the book on this precarious chapter of America.
"With Bin Laden gone," says a member of CIA's psy-ops team who asked not to be named, "we can now move some of our other projects to frighten the American people to the front burner."
Of course, the body of Osama Bin Laden was immediately buried at sea, so the world must simply take America's word for this intelligence/military success story.
Just as the world had to take America's word about Iraq's stores of weapons of mass destruction back in 2003.
Were fingerprints or dental records used to positively identify the body as that of Osama Bin Laden?
"Fingerprints and dental are for CSI and Forensic Factor," said a senior, unnamed, military official. "In the military, we go with our gut!"
On this point, our CIA psy-ops source was sanguine. "Frankly, we don't care what the rest of the world thinks. The American people will believe this. They're out celebrating in the streets."
So, what's next for American psy-ops experts?
"We've got a number of very exciting fictional personas to frighten Americans," said our source. "There's 'Clive the Georgia Lout,' kind of a retooled Tim McVeigh for domestic terrorism scenarios. We've got 'Mandingo the Madman of Manchuria.' We see a lot of promise in Manchuria for frightening Americans. And we're most proud of 'Paul the Blogger' on whom we can blame any and all conspiracy theories. Up to now, the American public hasn't had a face for bloggers, so we have high hopes for 'Paul'."
Inside the Hotdog Factory was on the scene at Ground Zero, getting reactions from celebrants.
"Osama Bin Laden is dead!" shouted one man. "Now, I can get a job!"
"I'm making up a list of my remaining freedoms," said a woman, "that I'm prepared to give up after the next terrorist attack by whoever replaces Bin Laden."
And this, from a flag-waving man clad only in a pair of Jockey shorts: "Oooooh ahhhh! Who do you love, baaaaby?"
Highly emotional times.
In other news, Rupert Murdoch can finally make use of the "Death of Osama Bin Laden" theme he commissioned Andrew Lloyd Weber to compose ten years ago.