Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Gerry Fall-Well Stands on the Precipice of the Great Spiritual Drunk Tank

I won't shed a tear for the passing of Gerray Fall-Well, noted ego-maniac, religious profiteer, empty moralist, and all around chubby, ridiculous guy. However, I am excited about his being poised on the precipice of leaving this life and entering the Great Spiritual Drunk Tank that doubtless lies beyond this world for charlatans like Fall-Well.

If Fall-Well believes even a fraction of the spiritual hokum he's made a damned good living preaching (and there's no evidence to think he believes a single bit of it) I would love to be a fly on the wall when his accounts are squared up with St. Peter. If the heaven of the evangelical movement does, in fact, exist (and there's no evidence to think it actually does), I can't imagine how Fall-Well's spiritually penniless soul will scrounge the price of admission.

And it's not like the evangelicals' Satan figure (and there's no evidence indicating one actually exists) would have any further use for the corpulent carcass that will very soon be Gerray Fall-Well. Fall-Well has done the bidding of greed, bigotry, avarice, ego, anti-intellectualism (founding a unversity doesn't mitigate this last one, only exascerbates it), with his trademark smug, chubby smirk throughout his time among us. But once his microphone falls silent, a shadow falls across his worn collection plate, and the green gooh within his bloated body stops exuding wakefulness, Fall-Well's usefulness to any sort of malevolent consciousness will be over.

So, fare thee well Jerrie Fall-Well. You were a jerk, a huckster, a shingle-salesman who doubled as a bottomless pit of malignant self-righteousness. You won't be missed for an instant. There are countless jackals waiting to take your place.

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