Friday, October 29, 2010

"The things you criticize in others is really what you dislike about yourself"

Maura Kelly the insensitive journalist who wrote smack about fat people but then backtracked when the heat was onSo, Mike and Molly getting it on is turning some people off.

Writer Maura Kelly has, apparently, received enough hate mail to squeeze an apology from her over the article she wrote for Marie Claire about the two plus size actors in Mike & Molly getting "initimate" on TV.

One blogger raises some interesting issues, decrying the comparison of people who dislike fat people to racists, saying "i hate to state the obvious but you can't pick the colour of your skin, you can choose not to eat 50 pies in one sitting". Fair enough.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

BREAKING NEWS: Sex Offender who served 18 months and received pardon may not have been rehabilitated!

It's enough to shake the foundations of a Canadian jurist's core beliefs.

That, after a scathing tongue-lashing and 18 months in prison, a convicted sex offender appears not to have been rehabilitated.

Worse, the Canadian pardon system appears to have been "gamed" by this master criminal, bringing into question just what supernatural safeguards need to be in place to bar future criminal prodigies from similarly slithering through the iron mesh of the Canadian judicial system.

For anyone who's been in a vegetative state or lives under a rock, Canada has been rocked by the story of disgraced former hockey coach, Graham James, being arrested on new sex charges.

Sasquatch Jerky: Where the hell is PETA when we need them?

Never mind the dodo bird or the blue-billed flat-footed snark.

There is no animal more rare or endangered in this world than the Sasquatch.

And yet, some irresponsible free-marketeer has not only captured the few remaining Sasquatches roaming our remote, mountain passes, he's making jerky out of them!

I'm no vegetarian. I'll eat a Spam sandwich alongside the most dedicated carnivores, but what I will never is consume the flesh of so rare and mysterious a creature as the legendary Sasquatch.

Hell, I didn't even know we had confirmation of their existence until I saw this abomination standing on my local convenience store counter.

Rather than putting one of these creatures on exhibit where law-abiding, curious, science-minded folk could gawk, poke and throw M&Ms at it, our few remaining Sasquatches are being eaten the rancid, turpentine-in-their-veins jerky crowd.

Hopefully this blog will mobilize the militant arm of crypto zoologists to take action against this outrage.

Until then I'm going to grudgingly enjoy a plateful of baby seal kebabs.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Starbucks new offerings headed in the wrong direction

From The Street: Starbucks Tests Alcohol, Cheese Offerings.

This is a completely misguided turn for the Starbucks empire. If Starbucks is going to expand its offerings, it should move in the direction its customers are moving: toward homework supplies and sleep products.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Catfish - the truth inside the lie: I don't believe the film is non-fiction

"Well, that's how it really happened," new writers often respond when told something in their writing did not ring true or didn't seem realistic.

A friend who taught creative writing at a local community center had a middle-aged student who introduced herself, right off the bat, as someone who "only writes about things that happened." Didn't describe herself as a non-fiction writer or a historian. Just that whatever appeared in her stories really happened. The subtext was easy to understand: "Criticize my work and you criticize the very fabric of reality." Sure enough, every time this writers work was up for discussion and any mentioned something not seeming realistic or plausible, the writer said, "But that's how it really happened."

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Dick Cheney being Dick Cheney is not news

Five years ago, then vice president Dick Cheney shot a hunting partner in the face and torso while quail "hunting." The word "hunting" is in quotation marks because the birds were in captivity and only when the "hunters" were at the ready with their man cannons were the quail released in front of them to be shot, practically, at point-blank range.

Friday, October 08, 2010

The Great Man, The Book, The Letter and the Prize

I didn't attend Catholic school back in the care-laden days of pre-Vatican II. Back when every Catholic of conscience wore that conscience on their backs like a gong, sounding for all to hear every time sin won. Where nuns would point to the crucifix that hung in every Catholic elementary school classroom, to the tortured, brass Christ -- whose halo rested on the back of his head like a miniature, un-gonged conscience that never sounded the victory of sin -- and declared, "Your sins did this to Jesus!"

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Col. Russell Williams Faces the Music

Can Canadian Judas Prudence handle Col. Russell Williams facing the music? Can the country that is so dignified, courteous and empathetic devise a punishment for this multiple murderer?

BELLEVILLE, Ont. — Dressed in a sombre black suit, a clean-shaven Col. Russell Williams lowered his head while his lawyer told a packed courtroom that the disgraced military man will plead guilty to two charges of murder and two counts of sexual assault on Oct. 18.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

The new iPhone home pregnancy test

Learn faster than ever that your daughter won't be going to college due to an unplanned pregnancy!

Introducing the new iPhone Home Pregnancy Test!

It's easy!
  1. Download the app from the iPhone App Store

  2. Urinate on your iPhone

  3. See results instantly!
Add some substance to those mother/daughter moments in the kitchen with the new iPhone Home Pregnancy Test.

Abstinence isn't an option and according to Christine O'Donnell, condoms cause AIDS.

"Getting the news" has never been so easy and accurate!

The 3rd Quarter Dick Cheney Corporate Malevolence Award Goes to: The United States of America

The United States of America, et al, is winner of the 3rd Quarter Dick Cheney Award for Corporate Malevolence.

For its continued dedication to not knowing the past and thus repeating ad infinitum -- never catching on to the well-established pattern of Republicans tanking the economy when they don't win elections so that Democrats spend most of their time in office cleaning up the previous administrations' mess and thus never being able to put both shoulders into their platform.

For having only two political parties, which happen to be utterly interchangeable, thus tying democracy into a Gordian knot.

For its continued dedication to championing the Big Guy over the Little Guy, steadfastly taking the side of the rich over the poor, the side of the powerful over the powerless.