Saturday, February 18, 2006

New G.O.P. Fundraising Strategy

From Harry Whittington on being "peppered" with birdshot by Dick Cheney -- "My family and I are deeply sorry for all that Vice President Cheney and his family have had to go through this week..."
That's like the World Trade Center buildings apologizing to those hijacked airplanes. This is the world in which we live. Embrace it.

The American Republican Party has, and they're opening the field to creative fundraising. Rather than attending a boring $1,000-a-plate fundraisers, the G.O.P. will now allow contributors to give $1,000, $10,000 and $100,000 gifts in exchange for being "peppered" with birdshot by either the George W. Bush or Dick Cheney. Since it's such an honor for this to happen -- obviously Harry Whittington is embarrassed and contrite because he has so far paid Dick Cheney or the G.O.P. no money for his peppering -- this will be added to the Republican Party fundraising handbook. Let's hope as many Republican contributors as possible avail of this new way to give.

Contribution Scale:
  • $1,000 donation to the G.O.P. -- contributor will be peppered in shins and feet

  • $10,000 donation to G.O.P. -- contributor will be peppered in rear thighs and buttocks

  • $100,000 donation -- contributor will be peppered in chest, shoulder and choice of which side of face
Some precision shooting may be performed by Secret Service personnel under the supervision of George W. or Dick Cheney, or their proxies and designates.


RossK said...

How much for a shot the heart to the sounds of Pat Benatar?

WE Speak said...

$1 million and Ollie North might even lend you a spare missle launcher to play with.

Whetam Gnauckweirst said...

Hey man, when you're talking about the corrupt assholes who comprise the Republican Party, the sky is the limit -- especially on fundraising.

RossK said...

Would that rocket launcher be from those Iranian returns and does it come with a free copy of the Bruce Cockburn tune?

I mean, it's not as if they haven't turned tunes of protest 180°C before.


Whetam Gnauckweirst said...

Maybe they come with flash grenades and 45's of Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me With Science."

You are sadly correct about those protest songs being turned to eat their tails.

At least we still have Iggy Pop.

RossK said...

And luckily 3/4 of the Ramones are dead.

(although I still have a bit of a problem with the flirtation with PJ Soles and the entire Rock and Roll Highschool thing).

digression point: Isn't funny that, as a yin to SpinalTap's yang, all the Ramones drummers are the 1/4 of the collective whole that are still alive.


Whetam Gnauckweirst said...

It was once asked here if it's not in "poor taste" to criticize the leaders of other countries.

First, I am not Mick Jagger.

Second, George W. Bush, et al, are a global problem, hence my interest in them. The day BushCo returns to simply assailing America and not launching preemptive wars around the world, I'll happily forget about them. Until then, I will write about them.