Saturday, December 02, 2006

My First Firsthand Experience with Crucifixion

I have never been handy with a hammer or any other sort of tool -- other than a keyboard. When I was a kid, though, I did enjoy going into my father's cluttered, chaotic workshop and randomly hammering nails into wood. There was a day when I was about eight or nine years old when I nailed two pieces of wood together. They formed a cross like the one in church that had the bronze statue of the tortured Jesus hanging from it. This was way back in the days before I realized god couldn't pass the Turing Test.

As I looked at the cross I held in my hand, I slowly turned my gaze through the open workshop door, which led into the part of the basement where my brother and I played. There on the floor, face down, lay my rubber Spiderman action figure. A weird sort of inspriation took over and the next think I knew I had nailed Spiderman to the cross I had made. He fit perfectly; his pose -- arms stretched out, feet together, as though leaping -- was crucifixion-ready.

I can't remember if I went and showed my dad what I had done or if he had come into the workshop about then. My dad was principal of a Catholic elementary school, who had been educated by the Basilian priests at the Catholic secondary school I would attend years later. He had spent a year in the seminary when he was eighteen years old. When he saw my handiwork, his face took on a strange shocked/appalled expression, and he said, "Son, take Spiderman down from the cross."


The Inside Dope said...

HA!!! That's hilarious! Thanks for the great story.

But you never mention if Spiderman rose from the dead?

Whetam Gnauckweirst said...

At no time during his crucifixion did Spiderman pass from this life. He bore his wounds with dignity and stoicism.

I was just trying to give him a superhero cape from another era.

Pryvett Rawgers said...

Hey Simulated Human

I believe you have a calling in the Roman army, ever thought of it'.

Also it goes to show you that today's super heroes are yesterdays gods. Is that profound or what?

The Pryvette

Charles_C said...

yknow in the Phillipines they have a celebration where they ACTUALLY CRUCIFY SOMEBODY OMG NO SHIT AIEEEEEE

It's allegedly a volunteer who portrays Christ in an Easter drama. Still.