Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Draft Evader Makes Good!

I'm honestly happy for Rush Limbaugh, who recently signed a $400 million deal to continue his radio show through the year 2016. From the always-accurate Drudge Report:
The American broadcast industry is rocked, realigned and blasted into a new orbit, yet again, by Rush Limbaugh, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned.

In what is being described as an unprecedented radio contract, Limbaugh will keep his syndicated show on-the-air and e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e through 2016 with CLEAR CHANNEL and PREMIERE RADIO.

Already host of the most lucrative hours since radio's inception, Limbaugh's total package is valued north of $400 million, according to media insiders.

The NEW YORK TIMES will claim this weekend that Limbaugh, marking 20 years this summer as a national host, has secured a 9-figure signing bonus for the new deal, newsroom sources tell DRUDGE.


In its controversial profile, the TIMES reports that Limbaugh is buying a new G550 jet and is making an estimated $38 million a year.
Look, that's a ton of money that Rush can share with his wife and his numerous children. It makes his evasion of service in the Vietnam war much less reprehensible -- particularly given his rabid support for the current wars in Iraq and Afghanistan -- because had he died in Vietnam (and there's no question the blubbery, awkward, myopic, unathletic Limbaugh would have been KIA within his first hours in-country) he would not be setting salary records in the dying industry of radio, nor creating the jobs he has created by staffing his popular show. But God saw fit to bestow on Rush a boil on his ass in the form of pilonidal cyst. Hence, no service in the military. Oh well, that just saved him to do what he was born to do: earn money.

OK, yes, he looks like an utter douchebag when he's fellating a cigar -- I'll give you that. And his radio show has all the journalistic integrity of two dozen clowns springing out of an Austin Cooper. He's virulent, ignorant, hateful and a purveyor of hatred and ignorance. But if you look at him another way, he's merely the McDonald's of political discourse; the R.J. Reynolds of radio. He appeals to the masses, he's poisonous, but he's poisonous in a way that society tolerates. That's why we fought the two World Wars.


Uh, it seems that Rush Limbaugh has no children. This has to be a mistake, so I'll continue researching. Surely, someone as virile and passionate as Rush "Polyorbid" Limbaugh would have dozens of children out spreading the Word of God and GOP. Surely, someone who has been such a bastion of family values, such a purveyor of the Christian-way-of-life would have armies of children. And some character-assassin has posted on the Internet that there are no less than three ex-Mrs. Limbaughs. This absolutely can't be true. Because Rush isn't a quitter. He spent years in broadcasting with people telling him he'd never amount to anything, only to prove every one of them wrong. When it comes to the holy institution of marriage, there's no way you're going to make me believe that Rush would spit in the eye of God by getting a divorce.

So, I will continue to congratulate Rush and his gaggle of children and his loving, devoted wife in their latest flourish of good fortune.

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