Monday, December 07, 2009

Canadian commerce and the "Fuck You!" economy

We Plebeians should count ourselves lucky that we are even allowed by our overlords to exist. Having a bank account, mortgage, or credit card is a privilege, not a right. Our landlords and overseers, ombudsmen and masters are only looking out for our best interests; we -- the Rabble, the Great Unwashed, the Masses -- being but simple biped cattle who know only how to shop, copulate and watch hockey. We need someone to look after us. Make safe our souls.

And so I should have been moved to give thanks to one of my overlords today when he denied my request for service -- because he, and one of his underlings, just intuitively knew better than I did. But I gave not thanks.

In detail:

Today I called TDCanadaTrust to have my EasyWeb banking password reset. After giving two pieces of information and personal data to the operator, I was informed that I would, in fact, have to go into my local branch to do this. Why? The EasyWeb page clearly said the phone number I dialed was for password resets.

As it turned out, TDCanadaTrust customers are not only serviced by dedicated citizens of Mumbai and other locales in India, but also by the best of Canadian psychics minimum wage can buy.

The Feudal Lord supervisor who came on the line to answer my complaints explained that if any operator has the least inkling that something isn't right -- if their spider sense tingles; if their tarot cards twitch or astrological sign throbs even a tad; if their lunch gurgles dyspeptically in their digestive tract -- that operator can and should pull the plug on helping the customer over the phone. TDCanadaTrust operators use their intuition to winnow out frauds. Based upon this minimum wage slave's gut feeling, I now have to go to my local branch.

There is no more humble and altruistic master than TDCanadaTrust, so I was to take this news with a glad heart. The Masters of the Universe were looking out for my well-being.

And yet, somehow, I could not help feeling rankled. In fact, I felt a distinct pang of ingratitude. Truth be told, I was irked, miffed, PO'd, put off and more than a little discommoded by these tidings from my master. But then I remembered myself, and thanked His Dutifulness for bearing with me, with my frailty of heart and mind, for continuing to look after my meagre funds. I asked if my burble of doubt and disquietude would go on my permanent record. He would not answer that specifically, but I am sure whatever he decides will be in my best interest.

After all, this is Canada where monopolies rule the day, where a person such as myself may one day find himself commercially excommunicated. Lords Bell, Cogeco, Rogers, CIBC, TDCanadaTrust, et al, will only tolerate so much grumbling before they decide we are unworthy to be their customers.

No comments: