Sunday, April 17, 2005

Ann Coulter, Vaginal Teeth & a Hearty "Fuck You!" From This Canadian

Ann Coulter says that Canada ought to "watch its step" or else America may well decide to invade and civilize us. Canada did not and does not support the American invasion of Iraq. As a free and sovereign nation, living next to the most "freedom loving" nation in the cosmos, this is our right. However, as the America we all once knew merges into Ann Coulter's America, all anyone has the right to do is agree with the U.S. Ann Coulter is saying to us, "When I want your opinion, I'll pull my dick out of your mouth."

What Ann Coulter, and the blood red states of America, don't seem to understand is that the power, the juice, the shine of their bullshit is waning quickly. Ask the British empire how well it worked out ruling the world at the tip of a sword and the barrel of a gun.

Ann Coulter is America. She powders herself up for TV appearances, she engages in verbal foreplay that's as seductive and arousing as an episode of American Gladiators. All she wants is for you to put your head on her shoulder, and accept her embrace. As America, in its infinite inferiority complex, wants to be loved, loved, goddamn it, loved! by everyone in the world, Ann Coulter is going to persuade you to her way of thinking if she's got to cut your head off, shove her hand up your neck, and force you to express words of agreement. However, once those legs open, the vaginal teeth sink home. And there is no escape.

But out here in the air, out here beyond Ann Coulter's vampire bat radar squealing, we know. America has not endeared itself by rushing into a wrongheaded war following an insultingly weak attempt at "diplomacy," premised on lies -- Christ, the CIA ought to be paying me, I knew there were no WMDs in Iraq -- leading the charge with embarrassing John Wayne platitudes about "democracy" and "patriotism" and "freedom", and then turn around and chastise everyone who did not follow (which is most of the world) because it's not going well.

We also know that:

George W. Bush is a liar.

Dick Cheney is a liar.

Donald Rumsfeld is a liar.

John Ashcroft is a liar.

Tom Ridge is a liar.

Colin Powell is a liar.

Condoleezza Rice is a liar.

Richard Perle is a liar.

Paul Wolfowitz is a liar.

Douglas Feith is a liar.

The Iraq war as we are now seeing it has been planned since 1997. Upon taking office in 2001, George W. Bush asked his staff to find him a pretext for invading Iraq. He only had to wait nine months for enough people in US intelligence, military, and government to look the other way in order for the attacks on the World Trade Center buildings, Pentagon, and that doomed flight over Pennsylvania to take place. An attack on the scale of Pearl Harbor had been achieved, as outlined in Zbigniew Brzezinsk's book The Grand Chessboard, so that the Patriot Act could be taken off the shelf, and the undoing of American freedoms could begin.

There are no Paul Revere's in the American media shouting about what's happening there. There are voices in the wilderness, but they are uniformly labeled "conspiracy theorists." Since conspiracies do not occur in the U.S. (just ask John and Robert Kennedy), conspiracy theorists may as well be disciples of the Easter bunny or tooth fairy.

However, there is Ann Coulter, vaginal teeth and all. She is here to frighten us. and Time magazine, an empire reduced to a ghetto, is happy to feature her. Good for them. Good for her.

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