Monday, March 16, 2009

Revolutionizing air travel one seat at a time with FlatuMatrix!

What is the single worst part of air travel? High-jackings? Crashing? Lost luggage?

No -- it's that ubiquitous, unseemly flatulence that rears up to ruin even the smoothest, most enjoyable flights.

But those days are now behind us! Introducing FlatuMatrix®!

The FlatuMatrix® airline seat is 22nd Century technology today! Each FlatuMatrix® airline seat is equipped with a silent vacuum engine screened by micro-fibers. Each time flatulence is emitted into the airline seat, patent-pending FlatuMatrix® technology pulls it into its carbonite holding tank, called the "Scent Warden," where our patent-pending Correct-a-scent ultraviolet light molecule replacement technology converts each rank deposit into one of four pleasant odors: Hazelnut, gale breeze, Vanilla and new car smell.

No longer will air travelers feel like they're traversing the skies in winged Port-o-Potties. Now, air travel can be what it always should have been -- flatu-free!


Anonymous said...

This would work nicely with my activated carbon underpants.

Anonymous said...

I don't feel much need for this technology.

When I am on a plane and I feel it coming on -- which is pretty much at all times -- I just fake sleep and let it rip. With headphones on and enough beers in me, it's not like I really give a damn what my fellow passengers think.

I'm not al Qaeda or an air-rage-type passenger. If all they're forced to do is suck down my fumage, then they ought to be grateful that's the worst they have to contend with on our shared flight.