Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Dr. Laura N-Word booth at your local shopping mall

Dr. Laura's N-Word Rant: Radio Host Apologizes For Offensive Language

If you, like Dr. Laura Schlessinger, have the n-word in your heart, don't keep it locked up!

Coming soon to a shopping mall near you is the Dr. Laura N-Word Booth!

Don't be fooled by imitations! Authentic Dr. Laura N-Words Booths are easily identifiable with the naked picture of a young Dr. Laura emblazoned on the door.

First Amendment always guaranteed
As Dr. Laura pointed out on The Larry King Show, Americans' First Amendment rights aren't limited simply to speech, they guarantee all comments -- whatever they are -- not be questioned or criticized.

Otherwise, what good is free speech if someone else can simply disagree with you?

That's never a worry in the Dr. Laura N-Word Booth!

Enter this inviting sound-proof womblike chamber and express the inner workings of your heart free from small, disagreeing minds.

Friendly faces
A number of slideshow audiences are available at the click of a button.

In moments you'll have a virtual audience of sympathetic faces to ensure the most important part of your First Amendment rights is not abridged -- the guarantee that people will agree with and love whatever you have to say!

Have the Jews got you down?
Don't worry! This guy sure knows how you feel!

Hey, nobody's perfect, so why not criticize those imperfections in the comfort and style you've come to expect from Dr. Laura.

This world would be a better place if we would simply speak what's in our hearts.

Department of Homeland Security Compliance
In compliance with federal law that dictates all conversations by Americans be recorded, a copy of your N-Word Booth visit will be made. But don't worry! Dr. Laura N-Word Booths are all about your privacy! We will never lend or lease or otherwise share the contents of your N-Word Booth rant!

Next time you're in the mall and you've got the N-word welling in your heart, don't keep it all bottled up! Find the nearest Dr. Laura N-Word Booth and enjoy your freedom!

All guarantees are null and void once Dr. Laura N-Word Booth user leaves the booth. Fee to use booth is $15.95/minute. Local law enforcement will be apprised of the contents of users' monologues, as will the Internal Revenue Service, Federal Bureau of Investigation, along with other unnamed and as yet to be named federal authorities, bodies and agencies.

Post Script
The foul liberal media has been circulating this unflattering photograph of Dr. Laura since she made news for letting the N-word out of her heart while live on the air. This is not how Dr. Laura's legions of fans know and remember her:

This is how we envision the Princess of the Mic, the Queen of Sass, the greatest God-fearing psychological doctor of psychological disorders to ever don a pair of headphones:

Take that Nancy Pelosi and Ted Kennedy!


Anonymous said...

Once again the Hotdog Factory serves me with breaking news that I was oblivious to. Cronkite ain't got Jack on the Gnauckweirst, well done brother!

Macphisto said...

I think I was taken in by an imitation. The one I went into ended up being a port-a-john. When I found an actual booth, it seems the N-Word Booth changed their privacy settings without me knowing about it. And when I paid the extra dollar for a head shot of myself, it ended up being cropped rectangular image instead of a full one. I think I will stick to ranting and raving on street corners.