Friday, June 10, 2011

Alabama Deals a Severe Blow to Immigrants

From the LA Times: "Reporting from Atlanta— Alabama set a new national standard for get-tough immigration policy Thursday with Gov. Robert J. Bentley's signing of a law that surpasses Arizona's SB 1070, with provisions affecting law enforcement, transportation, apartment rentals, employment and education.

"The new law, combined with legislation passed in May by neighboring Georgia, has arguably made this swath of the Deep South the nation's hottest immigration battleground, with the region's troubled racial history fueling the fire."

This serves as a near-death blow to thousands of physicians, engineers, computer entrepreneurs, satellite and laser specialists, as well as theologians, bio-chemists, morpho-geneticists and writers, artists and philanthropists from Europe, Asia and beyond -- all of whom had aspirations of living in the Promised Land that is modern day Alabama.

"That's where all the cutting edge medical advances have been made for the past two decades," says Zorn Threebold, a Danish morpho-geneticist and thoracic surgeon. "Young science and medical students throughout northern Europe dream of one day walking the hallowed halls of an Alabama research institute. But that dream has become virtually out of reach with this announcement. This is a shattering development."

"Going to Alabama to work on stem cell research and avant garde video art was the only thing that saw me through 12 years of graduate, post-graduate, doctoral and post-doctoral work," says Elma Strand, an eighteen year old science prodigy said to be on the verge of curing snow blindness in Viennese harried gerbils. "Where am I to go now? M.I.T.? Sure -- if I'd majored in playing ping pong."

Brain surgeons and nano technologists alike have been scrambling to make alternative arrangements once it became clear education/technological mecca that is Alabama was suddenly closed to the world's leading intellectuals, scientists, economists and BBQ grillmasters.

"It's like watching the burning of the Library of Alexandria or having Aristotle shout at the world's scientific elite, 'Get off my lawn!'" said a distraught Mickle Ionson, a leading bean counter from the Bonn School Economics.

Officials in Alabama had no further comment regarding their blanket, draconian immigration law. They did reveal, however, that the Alabama Haldron Collider was undergoing renovation and is hoped to open as a roller-rink-cum-rib-joint in the second quarter of 2013.

Also, the Finton Institute for Curing Disease is being reconverted into a Chuck E. Cheese outlet.

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