Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Choosing the correct Time Magazine "Person of the Year"

I can't say that it's any surprise that Time Magazine would cave, cower or otherwise collapse under (political) pressure to remove Julian Assange's name from its Person of the Year list.

But there it is. His name is gone.

In 1st place this morning. Down the memoryhole this afternoon.

What else could be expected from a major mouthpiece of our corporatocracy? Nothing else.

So, if Julian Assange is persona non-grata to Time (which, in the past, has had Hitler, Stalin and Khomeini as it's "Man of the Year"), may I throw in a vote for my second choice for Time's "Person of the Year":

Robert Pattison.

Though still a very young man, Pattison is regarded as the Gandhi of his generation.

He has selflessly (though reaping quite some financial gain) placed his name and dignity squarely in harm's way by starring in the execrable Twilight series.

Pattison has gone even farther than that, carrying on an off-screen relationship with Kristen Stewart when everyone knows he could do much better.

If not for the Twilight series, the genre of Teenage Vampire Romance may never have gained traction in our culture. It might have died the quick, inevitable, ignoble death the universe's justice had lined up for it.

Then Robert Pattison came on the scene and made movies based upon the barely-literature limpid scrawlings of a sexually frustrated housewife.

It's now time for Time to bestow upon Robert Pattison his due -- Time's "Person of the Year."

Might I go a step further and demand Time make Robert Pattison it's "Person of the Decade" as well? Yes.

And I must say that if Ball o' Yarn: the Cat Owners' Monthly wasn't in print, Time Magazine would be my 73rd favorite print magazine.

May the flabby, flaccid deities of cowards urinate upon your collective head the righteous remnants of Bud Light Lime.


Sincere9 said...

I love the Twilight Saga too! OMG, we're like totally both fans of the same stuff and its so weird! I would like seriously die if something bad happens to Robert...who cares about that WikiLeeks guy anyway! OMG...

Anonymous said...


It's still there, and here also


Whetam Gnauckweirst said...

I've always been aware of Inside the Hotdog Factory's influence, but I have to admit that even I am surprised that this blog had so quick an effect on Time Magazine's "Person of the Year" list.

Next on the list -- getting Barak Obama's Nobel Peace Prize taken back.