Inside the Hotdog Factory: Sweden: Weird place -- Timeline & analysis of Julian Assange's "rape" charges

There was an episode of the sitcom, Cheers that I saw years ago in which a character -- on the verge of having a rare one-night stand -- turned to veteran womanizer, Sam Malone, asking how Sam escapes a woman's apartment the morning following a one-night stand.

Sam's replies: "I tell her, 'I'll call you tomorrow.'" Cue laugh track.

After reading the Reuters article "Special Report - STD fears sparked case against WikiLeaks boss" regarding the sexual assault charges pending against Julian Assange in Sweden, I see that he's as guilty of sexual assault as Sam Malone.

Here's a rough sketch of the time-line:

Wikileaks released the War Diary: Afghanistan War Logs in late July;

In August, Julian Assange is in Sweden and has consensual sex with Anna Ardin and another woman on separate occasions; the second woman buys Assange's train ticket to and from her residence;

Claiming to be worried about STDs, the second of these sex partners tries to contact Assange and these inquiries lead to Anna Ardin;

Anna Ardin and the second sex partner go to police, but not to press charges against Assange (reminds me of Amy Fisher going to Joey Buttafucco's house with a gun to confront Buttafucco's wife, but claimed to have absolutely no intention of using the gun, though she used to shoot the woman);

Charges of rape are leveled against Assange, anyhow;

One day after the rape charges are announced, they are dropped;

Soon after Wikileaks releases 250,000 diplomatic cables, the rape charges (which aren't rape charges, merely "having sex without a condom" charges) resurface;

Today, Julian Assange sits in a British jail awaiting extradition to Sweden. There is talk that Sweden will then extradite him to the United States, the country most embarrassed by the release of the diplomatic cables;

It comes to light that Assange's first sex partner (in this Swedish debacle, that is) has ties to the Central Intelligence Agency.

If this were a movie I rented or a novel I was reading, I'd throw it away. Predictable. Who couldn't see this coming?

The facts are these: Julian Assange sits in a British jail awaiting extradition for having consensual sex, allegedly without benefit of a condom.

George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Tony Blair, Donald Rumsfeld, Henry Kissinger, walk the earth free and prospering, but Julian Assange sits in a jail cell for potentially having had consensual sex without a condom.

And Assange's detractors want the news-reading public to believe that this is just an ordinary course of events playing out, with no strings being pulled behind the scenes.

Uh . . . no.

This is clearly retribution against Assange for Wikileaks' releases, particularly the most recent two.

It's absolutely no surprise that Assange's Swedish sex partner, Anna Ardin, has links to the CIA.

She's reasonably hot (pictured above). She was probably activated by a handler to lure Assange to her residence (with probably very little effort) to perpetrate a deed that has nearly brought down presidents (think: Bill Clinton; his was a BJ, but we're still talking about naughty behavior that preoccupies and befuddles puritan minds).

Although the Reuters article attempts to piece together the actions of Assange's Swedish accusers, the gaping hole in the account is why the two women engaged the services of a high-powered lawyer.

After all, these are a pair of women who threw themselves at a marginal celebrity -- no different than groupies fucking their way backstage at the concert of a Bon Jovi cover band -- got laid, end of story.

Except one of those lays has connections to the CIA.

And has hired prominent Swedish lawyer, Claes Borgstrom.

This case is the very definition of a story that stinks.

Clearly, this is retribution against Julian Assange and Wikileaks. The Swedish government has made a complete laughingstock of itself on the international stage by pursuing this case.

And that laughter will turn to utter derision if Sweden extradites Assange to the Waterboarding Capital of the World: America.

The message is clear: Shut up, obey, and always wear a motherfucking condom.

Sorry, Bristol Palin, abstinence just isn't an option.

The only thing that has been raped in this case is Julian Assange's name and reputation.