Pentagon asks Interpol to detain the Red Cross

Obama Cites Afghan Gains as Report Says Exit Is on Track

America is enjoying the type of success in Afghanistan that is indistinguishable from failure.

While President Platitude announced "gains" in the war in Afghanistan, and that the unspecified exit is "on track", the International Committee of the Red Cross held a press conference announcing: Aid Conditions Hit New Low in Afghanistan.

So, it's not surprising in some circles that this afternoon the Pentagon asked Interpol to issue a "red notice" for the detention of the Red Cross for having sex with another, unnamed charity, without using a condom.

The timing of this request is being widely viewed with suspicion, but the Pentagon insists there is no connection between its "red notice" request and the Red Cross's press conference today.

"There is no connection between our request for the Interpol 'red notice' and the Red Cross's unfortunate press conference," said a Pentagon spokesman.

The team at Inside the Hotdog Factory isn't so sure.

Officials at Interpol leaped at the chance to do the Pentagon's bidding . . . but then quickly got hold of themselves, adjusting their suits and smoothing their hair. Even so, their excitement was palpable.

Inter-charity sexual relations isn't something that often makes the news, but as one observer noted, "How do you think little charities come into the world? The stork?"

Certainly not.

That said, it is highly unusual that the issue of whether or not a condom was used during such an intimate union becomes a matter for law enforcement, much less the US Pentagon, which has absolutely no jurisdiction in this obscure matter.

"The Pentagon is not now, nor has it ever been concerned with issues of 'jurisdiction'," said the Pentagon spokesman. "If it can be bombed, it's part of our purview."

At this moment, the Red Cross remains at large and the complainant charity with whom it had sexual relations has so far eluded the press.