Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Rep. Eric Cantor to propose "Defense of the Wealthy" bill

House Majority Leader, Eric Cantor, is expected to introduce the "Defense of the Wealthy" bill in Congress next week.

In response to Democratic attempts to roll back tax breaks for oil companies, Cantor and the GOP have decided enough is enough.

"The Democrats have been assailing the wealthiest citizens with these piecemeal proposals," Cantor said during a heated press conference. "They pick, pick, pick at America's wealthiest citizens, making it seem like being successful is a crime!"

The "Defense of the Wealthy" bill is designed to thwart all legislation aimed at
  • Raising taxes on America's wealthiest citizens

  • Forcing corporations to pay income tax

  • Curbing government subsidies to corporations, such as the oil depletion allowance

"For too long, America has been ruled by the poor and the powerless," Cantor said. "It's time for us to stand up for the most vulnerable Americans: the super rich."

Specific examples of these vulnerable groups include Wall Street CEOs whose egregious bonuses have made them the targets of bloggers, newspaper and television news editorials, as well as punchlines for comedians.

Oil companies are another constituency in need of protection.

"There is a misconception in America," Cantor said, "that high prices equal high profits. That's ludicrous! There is absolutely no correlation between poor, pitiable Exxon-Mobile charging record high gas prices and Exxon-Mobile bringing in record high profits. Anyone who suggests such a thing is a conspiracy theorist!"

One particularly vulnerable group, who will appear in photo ops with Rep. Cantor next week, are executives from Borders Books.

Although Borders Books has gone into bankruptcy, its executives insisted they were entitled to performance bonuses totaling $8 million.

That amount was amended to $6.6 million by Judge Martin Glenn of U.S. Bankruptcy Court in Manhattan who said such bonuses were needed by Borders to "maintain its experienced workforce."

It takes a special kind of experience to tank a once-profitable company and that experience needs to be rewarded.

"It's time America stood up for its most vulnerable citizens," Cantor concluded. "If we cannot defend the lowly, put-upon billionaire who is ridiculed in the press for profiting from war and human misery, then who should we defend?"

The rhetorical question left the press pool pondering Cantor's words long into the day.

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