Tuesday, December 21, 2010

600th Post: "Dear Larry"

​​Dear Larry:

You were right -- Spiderman: Turn off the Dark is the stupidest idea since The Million Dollar Hotel.​

At least I didn't go along with Edge on writing a musical about Gallagher the Prop Comic.

Could you imagine?​

Edge said he'd found the perfect effects box for when Gallagher'd use the Sledge-o-matic. The effects box turned out to be some monstrosity he bought from M.I.T. and took up the entire back of a cube van.

I'm still stinging, though, over his rebuking my idea for the musical, Carrot Top: Stupidity Never Sleeps.

For the millionth time, I'm sorry for asking Adam to join the band. I'm sure he'll leave any week now.​ I know I've been saying that since 1978, but this time I really feel like it's true.

I'm also sorry for the complete fuck-up my back injury caused the band. My doctor told me playing Bocce Ball would strengthen my back. How was I to know the silly git was a psychic surgeon and knew bugger all about spinal erectors?

I do hope you've given up working on that drum machine. Edge and I think you're a brilliant drummer.

You know how Lou Reed knows only three chords, but has written all those songs? Well, think of it, you know two less rhythms on the drums and look at how many songs you've played on!

We don't think of you as limited, but as consistent.

You play the same bloody thing every time you pick up your sticks and we like that. What the hell would we do with a Carmine Appice or Neil Peart? I'll tell you, neither of them would've dressed as a woman in the Wim Wenders video for "One," I guarantee you that.

Well, I'm about due to lose my laptop filled with lyrics, so I'll sign off asking if I might borrow a few quid. Spiderman's burying me and the fucking Red Campaign is a bloody albatross. I'm at a cafe in Namibia and I don't even have money enough to cover my hotel room, limo ride to the airport, armed security, hair products or flight home.

Zing a little something into me PayPal, would you?

Thanks a million!

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