Monday, September 05, 2005

Freebie for Dept. of Homeland Security: The 3rd "Failure of Imagination" Under Emperor George W. Bush

Under the smirking, suspiciously-too- close-together gaze of Emperor George W. Bush, a colossal "failure of imagination" has occurred every 24 months.

First, there were the 9/11 attacks that hit with enough forewarning to have been prevented without interrupting George W.'s vacation.

Second, the non-response to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. A plan for just such an emergency was drafted and published by the Department of Homeland Security on December 4, 2005. It's titled National Response Plan. Unfortunately, it's a fairly large document, spanning more than 100 pages. It's filled with "big words" and no pictures, other than some really boring flowcharts. How's a lexdysic like George W. supposed to tackle that?

And 2008, the year W. leaves office is more than 24 months away. There's time for one more "Supersized Fuck-up."

There will be groans from the balcony when I unveil my thoughts on the "Third Failure of Imagination Under Emperor George W. Bush" because it's obvious: The next major calamity that will befall North America, and perhaps large portions of the world will involve ENERGY.

Bor-ing, I hear the pencil pushers at CIA grumbling under their breath. No way! I hear oil executives -- George W. and Dick Cheney among them -- hollering through mouthfuls of prime rib. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear the bloated, professional thinktankers drone in their nasally, phony Ivy League accents.

Remember the Black Out in the summer of 2003? We're going to experience this sort of thing again. This time around, however, it's going to be compounded by dire shortages of gasoline. Look at the price of gas now. How long before ordinary people can't afford to drive?

Solution: Kick research into alternative fuel sources into high gear. I've always been mystified by the slowness, the lethargy, the neglect this sector suffers. As though there's no money, no profit to be made in it. Let me break it down for the slow people in the audience... CIA, NSA, thinktank guys, corporate swine... this means you:

See all the cars on the road? People not only like to drive, they must drive. You see, our cities -- for the most part -- are very poorly laid out. Public transit in most cities is terrible, or at least, unreliable. In order for people to live -- at the level most North Americans enjoy at this moment -- we must have our own vehicles. So, there's a built-in market for vehicles that run on alternative -- and please God, this time, renewable -- fuels.

I cannot wait for the day a market researcher asks me, "If you could purchase a car that would require only 25% the fuel costs your current vehicle requires, would you buy it?"

My response? "Would it come in chartreuse?"

Of course I'd buy the fucking car! It cost $60 to fill up my wife's car yesterday. That's a year's worth of haircuts for me.

The problem is, I, for one, do not believe BushCo is serious about averting disasters. Catastrophes are too lucrative for the Carlysle Group, Halliburton, Bechtel, Kellogg, Brown & Root, and all of those other companies you never read about in the news who consistently square up to the trough. To ordinary people like you and I, tragedies like 9/11 and the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina are horrendous, heartrending events. To people like George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, the cacophony of the World Trade Center buildings collapsing was like the sound of two huge cash registers going Ka-Ching. The sound of Hurricane Katrina approaching to BushCheney ears was like a slot machine paying out. These men are rich and powerful -- that's like being brain damaged and crazy.

Sure, George W. rhapsodizes about how heavy 9/11 made his heart. He's full of shit! Just as companies in TV commercials tell you how much they care about you and your families. It not only costs them nothing to lie like this, it actually paves the way toward making tons of money. Have you seen the latest advertising abortions from the U.S. Army yet? They're these "poignant" slice-of-life vignettes in which some young, proud, stupid kid tells his mother or father (there are never two parents in these ads for some reason) that he's going to join the army. In one of these -- I almost fucking vomitted -- a solemn young black man looks at his mother and says, "It's time for me to be a man."

A man in a bodybag.

These U.S. Army advertisements are utterly reprehensible, irresponsible, and flat-out untrue. They speak about the Army paying for college and giving these young cheer-leader-fuckers "training." I've heard from actual recruits who fell for this line of bullshit, who said the only training they received was in cutting lawns and picking up garbage. If the U.S. Army is really serious about preparing these young men for the workworld, they would train them to use Wal-Mart price scanners.

Sorry to be the guy who farts at the party, but people in the world use subterfuge and deceit and manipulation to get their way. Since they cannot persuade anyone with their logic or by the weight of their argument, they simply lie their asses off.

9/11 and Hurricane Katrina struck North America like slaughterhouse hammer blows to the head. Adding insult to injury, they were both hammer blows many, many people saw coming. The "Third Failure of Imagination Under Emperor George W. Bush" is going to be the hammer blow we've seen coming for decades.

Don't take my word for it. Mike Ruppert is an expert on the subject. Read what he has to say about the coming energy crisis.


Ascendantlive said...

You're right Matt, we've all been bullshitted so much from every direction and then some nobody knows what the fuck to think anymore. CNN is bullshit, the President is full of it, and I sure as hell don't believe my TV. Every value any self respecting American has ever believed in has been used against us in an attempt to manipulate us into doing everything from joining the army to buying fucking noodle soup. And it's only getting worse, they sell cars by creating fictional accidents where the cutest little child you ever saw drops her ice cream cone but walks away safe and sound because of the gas guzzling SUVs oh so great safety features. It's reprehensible.
I choose to believe everything is a lie until it's proven, which is almost never.

Whetam Gnauckweirst said...

Yeah, requiring evidence to support claims is somehow viewed as a suspicious way to run one's life. People always look at my sideways when I ask, "Where did you hear that?" or "How do you know that?" It's not a challenge, it's an honest question.

I was recently trying to collaborate with a friend on a screenplay. He's not a writer and had some ideas about creativity and the creative process that didn't jibe with my experience. When I asked him, "What do you base that on?" he flew off the handle.

There's got to be an equation for this -- peoples' offense at being asked to support their assertions rises in direct proportion to the amount of bullshit surrounding one.

Fucking nuts!

Ascendantlive said...

Good equation, and for those who use statistics to support their BS just remember, 80% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Whetam Gnauckweirst said...

Ah, man, statistics -- I won't listen to them. 93.45% of the time they bore me. 98.234% of the time they're horseshit. 11.089% of the time they're confusing.

I got by experiential info -- people who have lived through something. At the end of the day, unless we have walked through every news story (human impossible) to assess the veracity of our sources, we ultimately know nothing for 100% certainty. However, as an example, I've found that GNN (, Mike Ruppert and Greg Palast have staggeringly solid accuracy rates. Shit I read right around 9/11 didn't hit the mainstream until Michael Moore's F-heit 9/11 and other news portals started picking them up -- way, way after the fact; when it was finally safe to report.

Have you seen the documentary "Outfoxed"? It'll tell you everything you didn't know, but suspected, about Fox News. The motherfucking shysters.