Monday, September 05, 2005

New Orleans Superdome as "citadel of hope and order and restraint and compassion"

From a blog called (and he seemed to have gotten this essay from something called Eject! Eject! Eject! I don't know, that sounds homo-erotic to me):
... Only a few minutes ago, I had the delightful opportunity to read the comment of a fellow who said he wished that white, middle-class, racist, conservative cocksuckers like myself could have been herded into the Superdome Concentration Camp to see how much we like it. Absent, of course, was the fundamental truth of what he plainly does not have the eyes or the imagination to see, namely, that if the Superdome had been filled with white, middle-class, racist, conservative cocksuckers like myself, it would not have been a refinery of horror, but rather a citadel of hope and order and restraint and compassion.
Well, I have witnessed white middle class men in their natural habitats -- golf courses, luxury cars, in restaurants, shopping malls, sporting events, etc. -- and "hope and order and restraint and compassion" is not what I have observed. Were the Superdome filled with white middle class men, there would have been more cell phones ringing, I concede that. And there may have been less stress on the bathroom facilities, given the fact that white middle class men have sphincters so tight they could turn cue balls into diamonds before the fist half of a college football game was over.

Anyone who will tell you that a white middle class man wouldn't elbow your grandmother in the face to get his hands on the last bottle of Aquafina is someone who still believes that the Tooth Fairy is the love-child of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Are white middle class men so evil? No. Worse. They're pampered. They're beyond impatient; struggling moment by moment with the fact that time moves forward, that they cannot teleport back five minutes to address the ungodly number of tasks they or their godless employers set before them. You've seen these guys with their hairplugs, khakis and Polo shirts in their pristine prisons of frenetic stress, always gogogo, thinking they're delivering the world to the gates of heaven -- meanwhile they're delivering themselves into the hands of hemmorhoids and ulcers and those embarrassing bitchy, girlish tantrums they throw when they don't get their way on something. White middle class men are all on invisible treadmills with phallic carrots dangling before them, just out of reach.

Ever have one of these guys behind you at a traffic light? Barking into his cell phone, leaning on the horn of his Hummer before the bulb beneath the green glass in the traffic signal has even fully illuminated? After seeing a few in action over the years, I thought the motto on the back of U.S. currency, "In God We Trust," hopelessly out of date. It should be immediately replaced with the white man's credo: "Me First!"

Not to mention the fact that every serial killer who ever existed was a white male. Every political tyrant was either a white male, or propped up by the influence of white men. Hitler and Napolean were white men. All of the bloodthirsty Catholic popes were caucasian. The inventor of the nuclear bomb was a caucasian male. The man who ordered the only military stirkes using nuclear bombs was caucasian. The men who flew it there were also white.

Am I saying that this makes all white middle class men criminals or terrible people? No. But history and genetics are surely not in favor of a Superdome filled with middle class white conservative men making it into the Garden of Eden Redux.

In the same way white middle class conservative men don't have a lock on all evil, they certainly don't have a monopoly on "hope and order and restraint and compassion."

And I say this being a white middle class male.

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