Thursday, October 15, 2009

Tonight… We Are All Rush Limbaugh

From ESPN: Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh was dropped from a group bidding to buy the St. Louis Rams.

Rush, you are not alone!

It wasn't so long ago that I made a bid to buy the greatest jai alai team on the planet. They were the Tangeryland Titty Twisters, and they were a ferocious delight behold. As my people were finalizing arrangements, a scurrilous story appeared in the media, purportedly written by me.

How's that for the Thugs of Slander to grab my own hand and batter my face with it, saying, "Why're you hitting yourself? Why're you hitting yourself?" That they would not only put forth a grossly hurtful story, but one allegedly given in the first person by me, slandering and libeling and humiliating myself.

The story? I'll share it now because the harm is already done: My First Firsthand Experience with Crucifixion.

Is the story true? Did I, as a child, once build a small cross and crucify a rubber Spiderman upon it? Yeah, so what? But I would never share such a story! I was eight years old at the time, hardly in the sandlot of reason.

But it doesn't matter now. When the Titty Twister management saw the story, they threw the brakes on my purchase of the team. As it turns out, they couldn't care less about any offense to the Christian church the story might have aroused, they were outraged to the point of violence by my disrespect toward Spiderman. Who knew he held such a lofty place in their culture? I certainly didn't.

So what if Rush Limbaugh has figuratively nailed a few Spidermen to homemade crosses? He's a self-made man and should be able to exercise the right of the wealthy to buy any gawddamned thing he wants. But no, the proprietors and adherents of this world's Spidermen prefer to discriminate, criminalize and marginalize poor, humble, eager-to-please multi-millionaires like us. Such is the injustice in this imperfect world.

I feel your pain, Rush. Maybe you can take solace as I did -- I purchased the homeland of my oppressors and put them all in prison.

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