Monday, July 18, 2005

Baby Boomers & Yuppies Rejoice!

The scientific arm of investment group Generating Revenue Every Every Day (G.R.E.E.D.) has innovated a method by which persons may take their possessions and wealth with them after death. The technical term for this process is Variable Effluvium Nilhistic Approbium Linearality Bassline Tenuation Alignment Refracted Disposition, more commonly known as V.E.N.A.L.Bas.T.A.R.D.

By this method, the candidate's DNA is literally sewn into objects, which are then run through the Nilhistic Approbium, and after a lot of psuedo-scientific-religious-and-time/space hocus pocus, the candidate awakes (upon his/her death) in a place not unlike an automobile showroom, surrounded by all of their prized possessions. The big brains at G.R.E.E.D. Labs rigged camera, infrared, and satellite communications equipment into the first twenty test subjects, and have photographic and audio proof of this breakthrough. Don't believe us? Check out the image of the ecstatic test subjects accompanying this article.

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