Wednesday, January 05, 2011

It's official: Dick Cheney has no pulse

From "Dick Cheney no longer has a pulse. But he is still alive, [no] thanks to the mechanical heart pump he received in July. . . . It helps to push blood through his arteries continuously, rather than on a beat (hence the lack of a pulse)".

The heart pump is said to be a good complement to the garbage bag filled with hob-goblins, which has served as Cheney's "soul" during his time on earth.

As for his brain?

"I can't comment on that," says Mrs. Cheney. "But I can tell you that his trigger finger is as steady as the day I married monst-- man."

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