Thursday, April 29, 2010

Time to Facialize Facebook

Report: Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg Doesn’t Believe In Privacy

I've never had any illusions about privacy on the Internet. People who have Facebook accounts and scream about privacy violations are like vegetarians in a steakhouse complaining about the menu.

Fuck them.

My approach to the Internet and its requests for information about me has been consistent all along: Every form, survey, or sign-up I've ever encountered, I've filled with absolute bullshit.

To gain access to more pages online of The Washington Post, I was asked for an email address and to provide some personal info. I entered a disposable Yahoo! email address, then proceeded to list myself as an 80 year old woman who lives in New York who was a professional Frisbee champ earning $500,000 per year.

And my approach to my Facebook account has been no different. If someone else is going to own what I post, then its incumbent on me to give them utter shit -- utterly worthless, useless, valueless shit.

Here's what Mark Zuckerberg owns from me:
collecting chisels
auto repair
tree surgery
responding to online advertising

Aluminum siding
Chinese literature
Australian buffalo wrestling
tin foil
people who wear wooden barrels
volcanic ash
head lice
glue made from wasp honey

Favorite Music:
Shinhali tribal polkas

Favorite Movies:
All of the pre-motion picture hand-drawn films by Edgar Wallace Hammond

Favorite Books:
The Quotidian by Shirley Mansfield
16 Uses for Frozen Dead Squirrels by Crome "Mountainman" Woodbine
My Life: The Autobiography of an Aborted Fetus by Gwen Light

About Me:
Onyx prospector
satellite dish painter
heavy, heavy gambler
insatiable reader of online advertising
I would encourage everyone who has a Facebook account to take a second to understand just what they're handing over to Herr Zuckerberg for free from which he's deriving endless riches. Then I'd encourage these same people to change their Facebook settings/info to unmarketable gibberish.

If someone enjoys enriching Zuck, I wouldn't want to hinder that fun.

But for anyone who's even a little bothered by Zuck's attitude toward their privacy, I say -- fuck with him.

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