Dick Cheney being Dick Cheney is not news

Five years ago, then vice president Dick Cheney shot a hunting partner in the face and torso while quail "hunting." The word "hunting" is in quotation marks because the birds were in captivity and only when the "hunters" were at the ready with their man cannons were the quail released in front of them to be shot, practically, at point-blank range.

The Great Man, The Book, The Letter and the Prize

I didn't attend Catholic school back in the care-laden days of pre-Vatican II. Back when every Catholic of conscience wore that conscience on their backs like a gong, sounding for all to hear every time sin won. Where nuns would point to the crucifix that hung in every Catholic elementary school classroom, to the tortured, brass Christ -- whose halo rested on the back of his head like a miniature, un-gonged conscience that never sounded the victory of sin -- and declared, "Your sins did this to Jesus!"

Col. Russell Williams Faces the Music

Can Canadian Judas Prudence handle Col. Russell Williams facing the music? Can the country that is so dignified, courteous and empathetic devise a punishment for this multiple murderer?

From Canada.com:

BELLEVILLE, Ont. — Dressed in a sombre black suit, a clean-shaven Col. Russell Williams lowered his head while his lawyer told a packed courtroom that the disgraced military man will plead guilty to two charges of murder and two counts of sexual assault on Oct. 18.

The new iPhone home pregnancy test

Learn faster than ever that your daughter won't be going to college due to an unplanned pregnancy!

Introducing the new iPhone Home Pregnancy Test!

It's easy!

1. Download the app from the iPhone App Store
   
   
2. Urinate on your iPhone
   
   
3. See results instantly!

Add some substance to those mother/daughter moments in the kitchen with the new iPhone Home Pregnancy Test.

Abstinence isn't an option and according to Christine O'Donnell, condoms cause AIDS.

"Getting the news" has never been so easy and accurate!

The 3rd Quarter Dick Cheney Corporate Malevolence Award Goes to: The United States of America

The United States of America, et al, is winner of the 3rd Quarter Dick Cheney Award for Corporate Malevolence.

For its continued dedication to not knowing the past and thus repeating ad infinitum -- never catching on to the well-established pattern of Republicans tanking the economy when they don't win elections so that Democrats spend most of their time in office cleaning up the previous administrations' mess and thus never being able to put both shoulders into their platform.

For having only two political parties, which happen to be utterly interchangeable, thus tying democracy into a Gordian knot.

For its continued dedication to championing the Big Guy over the Little Guy, steadfastly taking the side of the rich over the poor, the side of the powerful over the powerless.

Andrew Shirvell, Crusader of the "Doth Protest Too Much!" Community

To The Office of the Attorney General of the State of Michigan:

I'm writing with regard to Andrew Shirvell, an assistant attorney general of Michigan, and his Internet campaign against college student Chris Armstrong, the openly gay student assembly president at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor.

More!

I'm a writer and a satirist and Andrew Shirvell is satirical gold!

First off, he makes the Michigan AG's office look like a rodeo clown college. I mean, who would employ a person so lacking in maturity, ethics, dignity or rationality? Apparently the Michigan AG's office, that's who!

Secondly, it is ever SO clear that Andrew Shirvell is all man. I mean, any hint or inference that he, himself, is gay would be utterly inaccurate. Any suggestion that Andrew, himself, may be homosexual and is acting out his repression and conflicting feelings about that would be irresponsible and totally erroneous. Though, he sure does seem to be an expert on the many facets of the gay lifestyle and how vulnerable, confused young men might be seduced by more worldly persons of the same sex.

Moreover, it's one thing for this embarrassment to play out locally, but hurrah for Andrew Shirvell who managed to be interviewed by Anderson Cooper on CNN! And the blogosphere has just lit up with articles recounting Andrew Shirvell's bizarre and obsessive campaign against Chris Armstrong.

As an anti-establishment satirist, I applaud all of this. Anything that makes our ingrained institutions look ridiculous is OK with me.

I mean, Mike Cox comes off as so straight-laced and sanctimonious. Now, picturing Mr. Cox and Mr. Shirvell not only working in the same office, but attending the same AG Christmas party, puts a real hoola skirt on the dry, boring Attorney General of Michigan.

In the meantime, see if you can lighten Mr. Shirvell's workload somewhat to allow him more media interviews. I haven't written about Mr. Shirvell yet. But I will! I will!

Kim Yong Il insists his son was elevated to the rank of general based on his own merits

A shameless example of nepotism was ratified in North Korea today when Kim Yong-Il's son Kim Yong-Un was promoted to the rank of general.

The American State Department was quick to issue a response to the move saying, "This is one of the many reasons why North Korea will never move forward and join the rest of the world in the 21st Century. They don't share Americans' work ethic or respect for those who make their own way in life without the help of powerful friends or family members. Kim Yong-Un was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple."

Kim Yong-Il praised his son and said the promotion was based upon his son's own merits, having slain numerous dragons, defeating several powerful wizards and inventing a cure for cancer (which the West will never see!).

The promotion was celebrated with a rare, open-air performance of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying in Pyong Yang.

American History X -- Where "X" Doesn't Mark the Spot

I just watched American History X, a 1998 film in which Ed Norton played a skinhead, Nazi white power guy who goes to prison for killing some guys (black) who were trying to steal his car.

He is sent to prison, where he learns to love and finally see life from others' perspectives, aided by a small, sassy-talking black kid with whom he works in the prison laundry. For, in prison, the impossible happens: the white supremacists aren't quite as committed to the cause as Ed Norton's character. He "disses" them because of this. And then horror -- they rape him in the shower to demonstrate that he shouldn't judge them.

Dalton McGuinty of Green Acres, Ontario

Is Dalton McGuinty really the feckless rube he appears to be?

In the wake of his magnum opus, the HST, McGuinty now fancies himself an expert on money-saving tips for Ontarians.

From The Windsor Star: "Premier Dalton McGuinty suggests that Ontarians concerned about rising energy costs should consider doing their laundry on weekends, when electricity rates are lower."

It seems the premier has a ready audience for his pearls of wisdom (and by "pearls of wisdom" I mean utter, inane bullshit). The article in which McGuinty speaks from The Mount regarding Ontarians' laundry practices is 346 words in length. That's fully 300 words too many.

A Picture's Worth 140 Words

This image explains -- more concise than a Twitter feed -- why this show is a piece of shit.

As John Doyle of the Globe & Mail says, "A stream of amusing Tweets diluted into dull TV, a hilarious book boiled down to a formulaic sitcom with added treacle. It’s an instance of how network TV can ruin anything."

C.O.W. vows to fight Burka ban in France

As France votes to ban the burka, covered women everywhere vow to fight on.

"Nothing has changed," said Elkima Dotminder, spokesperson for Covered Women of the World (C.O.W.). "We still believe in the freedom of the individual and that these are our bodies, and if we want to keep them covered, we have the right to do so!"

Jacques V. of Oglers Anonymous, Marseille, France chapter, had this to say, "If they're going to wear the burkas, could these woman at least taper them to be a little more form-fitting? I'm sure I've spotted some nice asses, but have such a difficult time verifying my first leer."

Colbert at Capitol -- All seriousness breaks loose!

Colbert Made a Mockery Out of Congress screams the headline on Politico.com.

The Drudge Report intones in its usual understated way: "Shock: Even DC reporters declare Colbert to be out of line..."

As though D.C. reporters have even the faintest idea of what's funny. These are the same self-important stiffs who panned Stephen Colbert's searing, lacerating, brilliant performance at the White House Correspondents Dinner in 2006.

Journalist after journalist who attended that event droned about how dull and inappropriate Colbert was. Bullshit! Those lame-asses were the brunt of Colbert's satire -- as well as George W. Bush, whom I'm sure didn't understand a thing that was said by the comic.

Of course those D.C. reporters with their lofty impressions of themselves didn't find him funny.

And didn't today.

My point -- who cares what they say? I don't.

Given the fact that Al Franken is one of the most articulate and effective politicians in Washington, I think more comedians should have input in how the U.S. government works.

Since conservatives do not possess the gene needed to laugh, there are, obviously, no conservative comedians.

Should Stephen Colbert have been invited to testify in character at Congress? I don't think so. He was invited to do so, and so he did. But given how deeply irony-impaired much of America is, the true meaning of his satire would be lost on most.

Poor, dotty, brain-injured John Conyers asked Colbert to excuse himself and submit his testimony in writing. There's a real man of the people, Conyers -- married to the Joan of Arc of Detroit who's 36 years his junior and about to serve 36 months in prison for corruption.

I think most people will come away with the same thought after seeing Stephen Colbert testify in character on Capitol Hill:

Congress is a mockery of Congress.

The commercials in between the commercials

There was a time when late night television was actually interesting. Johnny Carson would have on John Lennon or Peter Sellers, Jane Fonda or gawd forbid a writer like Norman Mailer or Gore Vidal. And they talked about things; conversed.

History-impaired Missouri zealot bans books unaware that suppression of arts often bolsters interest in them

In Missouri, Banned Books Week Starts Early

It takes a special, toxic mixture of arrogance and ignorance to come out against books as one Wesley Scroggins has in the great state of Missouri.

I'm sure Mr. Scroggins has forgotten his youth, and even if he does recall snatches of it, I'm sure it was a scarring and disfiguring time; one in which the gnarled spiritual spine of a misguided zealot grew into the knotted, rotted mess it is today.

If anyone was serious about turning America around, there'd be a march on Wall Street

Nothing signifies the lack of seriousness in public discourse about the highway robbery perpetrated by the Bush administration, with its $700 billion bail out of the "free market system" -- which President Platitude in the Oblong Office is now being tarred with -- than these bogus Tea Party events, candidates, and worse, demagogues like Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin hijacking the anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have a Dream Speech" with a rally about "restoring honor."

What does Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin know about honor? Nothing. If they really wanted to restore honor to America, they would have jumped into the Potomac River.

And if there was any seriousness about reforming our Thug-based economy, the Rape and Pillage economics that governs our "free" markets, there would be a march on Wall Street.

Wall Street is where the criminals who tanked the economy earn their ill-gotten gains.

Wall Street is Ground Zero of the American Economic Collapse of 2008.

Wall Street bankers should be designated enemy combatants, economic terrorists and hurled into Guantanamo Bay, Cuba -- which President Platitude hasn't yet closed. Something along that line would happen if there was any real justice in the country where 46 of the 50 states are on the verge of bankruptcy.

From The Great American Stickup: How Reagan Republicans and Clinton Democrats Enriched Wall Street While Mugging Main Street:

[The economic crash of 2008] was a giant hustle that served the richest of the rich and left the rest of us holding the bag, a life-altering game of musical chairs in which the American public was the one forced out. Worst of all, legislators from both political parties we elect and pay to protect our interests from the pirates who assaulted us instead changed our laws to enable them.

If this is the case, then why has no one called for a march on Wall Street?

Back when Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., was alive, I've read that among all of his speeches and events, none caused his enemies -- J. Edgar Hoover and most of the encrusted, white, robber baron establishment -- more anxiety than his proposed "Poor Peoples' March on Washington."

Dr. King never got to lead that march. He was shot down in Memphis before it could become a reality.

It was one thing for people of color to seek equality in America. That was a bitter pill the establishment knew it would one day have to swallow -- grudgingly, halting and fighting it every step of the way -- but poor people? Even Jesus Christ said, "The poor will be with you always."

No way any movement for the poor would get off the ground in any meaningful way.

Hence, the egregious bonuses continue unabated to the criminals on Wall Street.

If there was any seriousness about rectifying the damage to the economy wreaked by the criminal corporate class, those bonuses would have been replaced with subpoenas and criminal charges and court dates and frog marches and prison time.

Instead, we have multi-millionaires ranting about President Platitude on Fox News and EIB. Sean Hannity is worth an estimated $30 million. Glenn Beck is worth approximately $22 million. A couple of years ago Rush Limbaugh signed a 10 year contract for his radio show valued at $400 million. Sarah Palin has earned a reported $13 million since she quit her job as governor of Alaska. These multi-millionaire "voices of the people" are nothing but shysters who sell you the snake oil that makes you sick, and then turn around and sell you the cure.

Not content with that, Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity have respective scams ongoing to continue to pull in the dollars.

I'm glad Stephen Colbert and John Stewart are going to have their marches. I just wish they'd go "off book" for one day and march on Wall Street rather than safe, predictable, photogenic, ready-for-the-crowds Washington, D.C.

"Don't Tell Me We're Not in a Religious War!"

I recently received an email with the image shown above with the following:

In 2009 a store in Houston, Texas had this sign posted in the store window commemorating the martyrdom of Imam Ali. Imam Ali flew one of the planes into the twin towers in New York.

And the note ended with the statement "Don't Tell Me We're Not in a Religious War!"

So, two minutes of Googling revealed to me:

(a) none of the 9/11 hijackers was named Imam Ali

(b) Imam Ali was, in fact, a Muslim figure who died in 661 A.D.

Now, I don't trust the FBI list entirely. At least 7 people named on it have been found alive and had nothing to do with 9/11.

Don't tell me we're in a religious war!

The Edge from U2 thinks he's got a big rig

The more things change, the more they remain asinine

Honestly? This still goes on? The hollow, always wrong predictions from the Department of Homeland Security are still being released?

“[W]e can’t guarantee there won’t be another successful terrorist attack,” Napolitano will tell first responders and emergency workers.

Fuck off. Honest to gawd, fuck off.

At least the color-code alert system hasn't been in the news of late, though it's still a standby in airport communications play-list.

Orange alert. Were those fucking people kidding about that? "Remain vigilant." "Keep shopping."

The only upheavals and attacks that have affected most of our lives are those for which we received no warning, for which there should have been plenty of warning, but still overtook like flash floods: the housing market bubble bursting, the pirates of Wall Street getting bailed out, the auto industry running into a tree, Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, AIG.

There are no cells at Guantanamo Bay for economic terrorists.

But luckily, there's Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano to mark the anniversary of 9/11 with empty bureaucratic bilge.

She's another pickle on the shit sandwich of President Platitude's incredibly ineffectual administration.

Well, everyone here at Inside the Hotdog Factory will remain vigilant, will continue shopping and will report any and all suspicious activity to the authority, as the corpse of 9/11 is once against hoisted high and worshiped as though it were nailed to a cross.

All the news that fits

The recently, targeted fallout over the Robert Rodriguez movie Machete, reminded me why conservatives hate news outlets that are not Fox News or Rush Limbaugh, or any of a number of appendages to the radicalized right in America:

Without the constant, breathless Limbaugh/O'Reilly-esque commentary constantly smoothing the barbed edges and continually blowing ever more smoke through passages comprised of ever more mirrors, conservative politics appear as what they are: childish, reprehensible, untenable, delusional, life-denying, greed-enabling, corporate-handjobbing beliefs.

Conservatives constantly need these echolalic voices to massage their indefensible beliefs into the soil of themselves.

Hence conservatives' violent hatred of news on National Public Radio or any outlet not in lock step with their Ministry of Truth. Because those outlets do not provide the same oiled cacophony to smooth the way for the unswallowable beliefs of conservatives to be swallowed.

Seeing/hearing their beliefs in their naked, unvarnished form, conservatives rebel. They criticize the media outlet when they should, in fact, look at themselves and examine their their hopelessly incongruous tenets without the psychedelic enhancement of their mega-million dollar commentators.

It's like the old Bucket Beauty Test. You want to know if a woman is beautiful, let her apply whatever makeup and hair products she pleases in order to look her "best." Sit her on a milking stool and then throw a bucket of water in her face. If she still looks good, she's truly goodlooking.

Conservatives need to throw a bucket of water on their belief system and give it an honest look. Being foot soldiers for corporations and politicians who hate them is really no way to live a life.

Sidebar: The news referred to in the image on this post, where Fox News, inexplicably, reported news was this story EXCLUSIVE: Pentagon Attempts to Block Book on Afghan War.

Will wonders never cease?

Franken and Olbermann supported the war in Iraq at the start? Fuckers!

I read it, but couldn't believe it.

During an interview with Democracy Now, Michael Moore said that both Keith Olbermann and Al Franken, at first, supported George W. Bush's war in Iraq.

It seems impossible, yet that's what Michael Moore said:

MICHAEL MOORE: . . . For those of you in your own communities, at work, at school, when you were against the war, especially once it started, you were in a very small minority. I remember Keith Olbermann attacking me on his show. That’s right, since apologized. I remember Al Franken—

AMY GOODMAN: How were you attacked? Why did he attack you?

MICHAEL MOORE: Huh?

AMY GOODMAN: What did he say?

MICHAEL MOORE: Because he was in favor of the war. I remember Al Franken attacking me, because he was for the war. That’s right. . . .

How could anyone be so stupid?

In early 2003, when Canada made it known that it would not join the US in invading Iraq, then-American ambassador to Canada, Paul Cellucci, made not-so-veiled threats against Canada, saying there would be repercussions for its lack of support.

Here's a letter I wrote to Paul Cellucci in March 2003, mere days after the War in Iraq began:

Dear Mr. Cellucci,

This letter is occasioned by your speech this week at the Economic Club of Canada, where you expressed America’s disappointment that Canada has not supported its war with Iraq.

The United States of America is in the midst of a public relations disaster. As you know, following the September 11, 2001 attacks on New York, Washington, and Pennsylvania, much of the world rallied in support of America. In less than two years, that international unity has been soured and swallowed by the blackhole of George W. Bush’s foreign policy.

The hard fact is this: America has not made a case for war with Iraq.

Sure, Colin Powell made his February presentation to the U.N., and the anti-climax of his empty “evidence” cannot be understated. Particularly when it was later revealed the intelligence given to him by Britain was plagiarized from a graduate student’s thesis available on the Web, reproduced with the original spelling and grammar errors -- and pertained to the first Gulf War. Hardly inspiring.

Maybe I can delineate the heart of America’s credibility problem: The premise of the Bush administration is deceit, subterfuge, and corporate greed. Although it was not widely reported in America, the world press has published innumerable news stories about “purge lists” created for Florida voting rolls by a GOP-friendly company called ChoicePoint in the months leading to the 2000 election. As a consequence, tens of thousands of legitimate Florida voters were stripped of their right to vote, the vast majority of them were African American, and most importantly, Democrats. This was a deliberate act to influence the outcome of the 2000 election. And it worked. The administration is now filled with former CEOs; some of them oilmen. I understand that Kellogg, Brown & Root, a subsidiary of Halliburton, the oil-services firm that Vice President Dick Cheney used to run stands to profit handsomely from this war. Talk of Iraq’s reconstruction at war’s end being led by American corporations, not the U.N. makes it difficult not being cynical about the whole situation.

So, here’s a president who comes to power under dubious circumstances. Following the September 11, 2001 attacks, when Osama Bin Laden proved too elusive, the administration concocted a false theory that Saddam Hussein was partially to blame for the 9/11 attacks. In a recent poll, more than 50% of Americans said they not only believed Iraq was directly behind the 9/11 attacks, they believed that Saddam orchestrated them, and the highjackers were all Iraqi citizens. Such is the power of the anesthetized media, which acts as an uncritical conduit for the Bush administration. Even the CIA admits there is no link between Saddam Hussein and Al Quaeda.

The call for war with Iraq first centered on disarming Saddam -- disarming him of weapons America provided him during the Iran/Iraq war in the 1980’s. When the U.N. weapons inspectors found neither biological or chemical weapons, nor weapons of mass destruction, suddenly the war was billed as a move to “liberate” the Iraqi people -- in much the same way a pick-pocket “liberates” a person from his wallet, I suspect.

In the midst of all this dangerous, rhetoric-heavy waffling, America has bullied and insulted its allies. It’s frightening and disheartening seeing dissent labelled “unpatriotic” within America, but witnessing the McCarthyistic stifling of debate jump American borders has been downright frightening. The Bush administration has addressed its allies like CEOs berating disobedient managers. All the while, America has not produced a single shred of credible evidence that Iraq is an imminent threat to it, or any other nation.

I have no sympathy for Saddam Hussein. He’s a tyrant and a madman, and he’s no saner or more civilized now than when he was America’s “fair-haired boy” in the region. Given America’s history of favoring tyrants (the Shaw of Iran, General Pinochet, Ferdinand Marcos, Manuel Noriega, Saddam Hussein), I have no doubt America will someday go to war with the dictator it next installs in Iraq.

Time to be candid: America is at war with Iraq to take control of its oil reserves.

In the past few months, there’s been an interesting conflation of two news events dominating the media: America’s war-march toward Iraq, and the documentary Living with Michael Jackson. One is a microcosm of the other -- Michael Jackson is America: fabulously rich and famous throughout the world, existing in a rarefied stratosphere completely of his own creation (that bares fleeting resemblance to reality), he accepts no criticism, and is incapable of self-reflection. Michael Jackson and America look in the mirror and see seamless sanity -- it’s the world that’s crazy. Michael Jackson dangles his infant son out of a hotel window in Berlin, and cannot imagine why anyone would question his abilities as a father. America launches a wrong-headed, pre-emptive war, yet wants the world to believe it remains a beacon of democracy and fair-minded peace.

This is not America-bashing -- this is the perception exuded by its current administration, compounded by veiled threats such as yours at the Economic Club of Canada. There is much good in America, and much good has come out of America. I hope American troops come home tomorrow.

I have never worked for the CIA. I get my news like anyone else -- a little from TV, a lot from the Web; from all over the place. Even I could see that George W. Bush was a lying, nefarious sack of shit when he first seized the Oblong Office in America. Clearly, any plans he brought with him or formulated within his illegitimate presidency would also be illegitimate.

Machete: The Hispanic "Passion of the Christ"

Machete producers lied about racist bloodbath.

It seems that onscreen carnage is only acceptable when perpetrated by time-honored bad guys, played by blacks, Hispanics, Asians and English actors.

After seeing Machete on opening night, I did remark to a friend, "This Rodriguez fellow -- he seems to have a bit of a bias toward the Mexican perspective."

The true villains of Machete are racism, corruption, greed and ignorance. Since the story involved Mexicans illegally immigrating to America -- creating the paradox that's been conspicuously missing from the "immigration debate": that illegal immigrants are vilified publicly while at the same time vital to the American economy -- the natural enemies onscreen enemies are going to be of the Fox News variety, who do tend to fit into a pretty narrow demographic: Caucasian.

Robert DeNiro plays a particularly reprehensible character, Senator McLaughlin, who runs TV ads showing maggots and cockroaches, while a voice over speaks of illegal immigrants as parasites. He's a lot less extreme than many of the Teabag candidates rising to prominence. And at least he's marginally articulate: Yeah, I'm looking at you Jan . . . uh . . . umm . . . sigh . . . ahhh . . . cough . . . Brewer.

The terrible thing about those faux political ads in the film is that they could easily play on TV in Arizona, Texas and New Mexico without raising much outrage among 'Mericans, as George W. Bush once so eloquently called them.

So, the true villains of the film are racism, corruption, greed and ignorance, the characters in Machete that possess this ignoble traits do tend to be Caucasian actors.

So it goes.

How many decades and in how many thousands of films have blacks and Hispanics portrayed one-dimensional hoodlums, thugs and murderers?

As for white outrage over the behavior of the pale-faced characters in Machete, it was not President Johnson's all black Cabinet and Joint Chiefs of Staff that gave the world the Vietnam War. Robert McNamara wasn't a native American.

The Iran/Contra scandal wasn't perpetrated by a batch of displaced Mexican strawberry and lettuce pickers who secretly infiltrated Washington during the Reagan years. Oliver North wasn't from Guatemala. He and the rest of the American government sanctioned drug smugglers needed Coppertone 35 if they planned on spending prolonged periods of time in the sun.

The Central Intelligence Agency, the leading arm of jingoistic violence the world over has never been run by Chinese immigrants or blacks or Hispanics. Sure, Leon Panetta now heads the agency and I would be surprised if he even knows where the bathroom is located by this point in his intelligence career. The CIA chiefs who overthrew democratically elected governments, had heads of state assassinated (including their own in 1963) and smuggled drugs into the U.S. were white. Tough shit, it's the truth.

BushCo of the 2000s had the tiniest hint of diversity amid its egregious corruption, but still, the lion's share of evil emanated from all the old white men in that gargoyle pit.

So, the cries of racism -- or my favorite: "reverse racism" -- are illegitimate and rise from the mouths of those, whom, in my neighborhood would have been categorized as "you can dish it out, but you can't take it."

Suck it up, white people.

Machete is a kickass action movie and if you're more preoccupied with the racial carnage score than you are with where that naked chick in the first scene stores her cell phone, then you are the racist.

Update

The link at the top of this post goes to a page not only criticizing Machete, but it also has links and addresses at the bottom of the article encouraging people to write to the Texas Film Commission, presumably to complain about funding or tax breaks the filmmakers received to make Machete.

After I wrote an email in support of Machete to the Texas Film Commission, I received the following reply:

Thank you for your comments.

The film MACHETE has received no funding from the State of Texas. The production company has made a preliminary application for the Texas Moving Image Industry Incentive Program, but their final application has not been received. Upon receipt the final application this office will consider it for approval or disapproval using the criteria we use for all applications.

Bob Hudgins

Texas Film Commission

Palin Porn - the immodesty of exploitative modesty

Bristol Palin: I Will Have The 'Most Modest Outfits' On 'Dancing With The Stars'

When a sex tape of Bristol Palin finally comes out in a year or so, she'll be in the news promising, "It's the most tame sex tape anyone's ever seen. He only came in my face twice."

When Bristol Palin becomes the CEO of a Wall Street bank, it's a sure bet she'll describe her egregious bonuses as, "You could hardly call it a 'bonus.' It was the most modest . . . It was really more a tip, than a bonus."

When she enters rehab for a future drug problem, Bristol Palin will be quoted in the press saying, "My drug use was so modest, it couldn't even be called a 'problem' or even really 'use.' I was around drugs. They somehow got into my body and now I'm here."

When Bristol Palin becomes president of the United States in 2028, she will announce, "Mine will be a very modest presidency -- sort of like my mother's before me. Actually, I won't even really be a president, more of the nation's babysitter and spiritual guide. You won't even notice I'm here."

Mission Accomplished 2.0

Evil and insanity of the type that swallows whole nations is like a weather system that hovers around the world.

In the first decade of the 20th Century, it enveloped Germany, and did again in the 1930s. It's enveloped Russian, China and numerous African nations.

The terrible thing about this malevolent weather system is that it can overtake multiple countries at once.

Since the end of World War II, it parked its mordant ass over top of America and it hasn't moved since.

The war in Iraq -- in which American combat operations have supposedly ended -- was a debacle of proportions that were, if not biblical, very much Shakespearean. The orgy of violence, greed, bloodlust, corruption, Christofascist crusading, pillaging, torture all wrapped in the funeral shroud of lie upon lie upon lie upon lie.

The war was a mistake. Veterans of the war have been sorely mistreated by the very government that sent them, needlessly, into harm's way.

America threatened and bullied its friends and neighbors and allies to get involved with this war. Some did, many did not.

It'll take more than a nation-sized straitjacket or penalty box to check the flailing arms of America.

If the country was the least bit serious about being a civilized society, it would have put the architects and enablers of the Iraq war on trial. But President Platitude chose to "look forward, not back" keeping the national pass time of not knowing the past and thus making it inevitable to repeat it, completely intact.

Hence Vietnam 2.0 in Iraq.

America must get out of the business of attempting to pluck the speck out of its neighbor's eye and attend to the log in its own -- to paraphrase one of the country's favorite comic book heroes, Jesus Christ.

The country can have all the "Restoring Honor" rallies it wants. There's nothing to restore. The mask fell off completely when George W. Bush seized office in 2001. It's time the Phantom of the Opera was dragged into the light and his ugliness and wretchedness beheld and acknowledged by all.

The Iraq war should never have happened.

Prop19it

Reddit hates my shit. I don't give a fuck.

Breaking news! Reddit admins must be in bed by 9 p.m. tonight and no TV for the whole weekend!

Word came down from the highest, cloud-laden, bonus-bloated echelons of Conde Nast, the admins will also no longer have use of the company Oldsmobile until further notice. And aside from work, no computers.

Their corporate overlords have come down upon these poor adminions with both feet!

You know, being bought up by Conde Nast really sounds good, on the surface. They once made an offer for Inside the Hotdog Factory, which I turned down. Being an eccentric multi-millionaire, I didn't need their money -- and, apparently, Conde Nast's continual proctological-micro-managing culture.

But for guys like the Reddit admins, I would have thought it'd be a good thing. Something to celebrate, even.

In practice, though, Conde Nast treats Reddit like Cinderella, like Joan Crawford treated her adoptive children. And now this embarrassing fiasco that makes the admins looks like a bunch of twelve year olds.

To their credit, I think the admins have rallied well and handled the situation graciously and admirably. But beyond that, it's more than a little sickening seeing the guys who created such a great site being treated like assistant janitors.

But, hey, they signed the deal with Conde Nast(y).

Reddit wasn't purchased by Conde Nast, it was adopted and turned into the Oliver Twist of social news sites

Even Rupert Murdoch knows, you don't buy a business to tank it. When media gargoyle News Corp. purchased The Wall Street Journal, Murdoch (if he can be believed) said he had no intention of turning it into the print edition of Fox News.

Conde Nast didn't so much buy Reddit.com, as it adopted it and made it the red-haired bastard child of its media brood.

Conde Nast won't give Reddit any allowance money with which to buy a few more servers.

Conde Nast won't put a few bucks in Reddit's birthday card so a few more programmers can be hired (OK, I've seen the "Now Hiring" on Reddit, but I'd bet a Starbucks barista would earn more than that position will pay).

Conde Nast won't allow Reddit to use the car (in this case, Conde Nast-owned images).

What else explains the Oliver Twist treatment Reddit gets from Conde Nast?

Exhibits:








And now Reddit can't even run ads promoting the legalization of marijuana.

Of course not.

Gray-haired-love-withholding-daddy, Conde Nast, won't let Reddit do anything that's fun!

Seiko's Brainy Wipe -- wipe out mediocrity one square at a time!

For too long, our culture has been a Petri dish of mediocrity. Our digital life has steadily robbed people of IQ points with every press of a gadget's button.

Things have become so dire, 7 out of 10 people don't even read while on the toilet.

Is civilization just going to slide away from under our feet? Not if Seiko can help it!

Introducing Seiko's Brainy Wipe toilet paper dispenser. It's fun for you and your household; a barrel of laughs with your friends; and a sure way to start jamming IQ points back into the skulls of those you love.

It's easy!

1. Place a roll of toilet paper within Seiko's patent pending ionized alloy dispenser tube.
   
   
2. Set the dispenser's math skill solving level at either Novice, Junior Einstein, Showoff or Genius.
   
   
3. Solve the math problem presented on the quartz crystalline screen and receive a square of toilet paper.

"Hey, what if I can't figure out the answer," a voice asks from the back row.

Then you don't get a square of toilet paper.

"But then . . . I'll be stuck," croaks the back row voice.

Yes, you will be.

So, dust off those brain cells or make Immodium milkshakes a new part of your daily diet.

You don't have the answer, you don't get a square!

There'll never be another stupid shit in your rest room -- guaranteed!

The Dr. Laura N-Word booth at your local shopping mall

Dr. Laura's N-Word Rant: Radio Host Apologizes For Offensive Language

If you, like Dr. Laura Schlessinger, have the n-word in your heart, don't keep it locked up!

Coming soon to a shopping mall near you is the Dr. Laura N-Word Booth!

Don't be fooled by imitations! Authentic Dr. Laura N-Words Booths are easily identifiable with the naked picture of a young Dr. Laura emblazoned on the door.

First Amendment always guaranteed
As Dr. Laura pointed out on The Larry King Show, Americans' First Amendment rights aren't limited simply to speech, they guarantee all comments -- whatever they are -- not be questioned or criticized.

Otherwise, what good is free speech if someone else can simply disagree with you?

That's never a worry in the Dr. Laura N-Word Booth!

Enter this inviting sound-proof womblike chamber and express the inner workings of your heart free from small, disagreeing minds.

Friendly faces
A number of slideshow audiences are available at the click of a button.

In moments you'll have a virtual audience of sympathetic faces to ensure the most important part of your First Amendment rights is not abridged -- the guarantee that people will agree with and love whatever you have to say!



Have the Jews got you down?
Don't worry! This guy sure knows how you feel!

Hey, nobody's perfect, so why not criticize those imperfections in the comfort and style you've come to expect from Dr. Laura.

This world would be a better place if we would simply speak what's in our hearts.

Department of Homeland Security Compliance
In compliance with federal law that dictates all conversations by Americans be recorded, a copy of your N-Word Booth visit will be made. But don't worry! Dr. Laura N-Word Booths are all about your privacy! We will never lend or lease or otherwise share the contents of your N-Word Booth rant!

Next time you're in the mall and you've got the N-word welling in your heart, don't keep it all bottled up! Find the nearest Dr. Laura N-Word Booth and enjoy your freedom!

All guarantees are null and void once Dr. Laura N-Word Booth user leaves the booth. Fee to use booth is $15.95/minute. Local law enforcement will be apprised of the contents of users' monologues, as will the Internal Revenue Service, Federal Bureau of Investigation, along with other unnamed and as yet to be named federal authorities, bodies and agencies.

Post Script
The foul liberal media has been circulating this unflattering photograph of Dr. Laura since she made news for letting the N-word out of her heart while live on the air. This is not how Dr. Laura's legions of fans know and remember her:



This is how we envision the Princess of the Mic, the Queen of Sass, the greatest God-fearing psychological doctor of psychological disorders to ever don a pair of headphones:


Take that Nancy Pelosi and Ted Kennedy!

The 2010 Neckties Wars is Heating Up!

Reigning Tight Necktie champ, Glen Stencil, has run into some real competition this year!

Known since 2004 as The Guy With the Tightest Necktie in the Boardroom, Stencil has had to contend with new kid on the block, W.B. Royal, who came onto the scene with a tie tied to an incredible 120 psi, topping Stencil's previous record of 113 psi.

Overshadowing W.B. Royal's record-setting entry, however, was flash-in-the-pan Xtreme tight-tie-wearer, Rick Cransbough, who took Tight Necktiedom by storm earlier this year with a punishing 122 psi necktie knot.

Unfortunately for Cransbough, he "tightened up more than he could wear" and unceremoniously expired during a strategy touch base meeting mere hours after entering the competitive Tight Necktie arena.

As followers of the Tight Necktie Derby know, a tight necktie wearer must wear his tight necktie for at least one week to be counted as a contender for the Year's Tightest Necktie. Cransbough made a showy, foolhardy effort, and is yet another casualty in this highly volatile competition.

The real news of the Tight Necktie world is Shim Wallach who has made a consistent showing in numerous year-end round-ups of Tight Necktie wearing over the years. This year, he made a push for headlines by tightening his necktie to 115 psi on Valentine's Day. And who could forget when he tightened his tie to 118 psi on June 21st, day of the Summer Solstice?

Wallach has made headlines for years in the Tight Necktie Derby, back when most of the current Years' Tightests were still in sneakers and tightening their shoelaces and belts.

There was the Knot of 1979 with which Wallach broke the 105 psi barrier with an Argyle Wool tie that set the Tight Necktie world on its ear. He was outdone in the final month of the Derby by Ted Gladhouse, who took the Tightest title that year, but Wallach was the sentimental favorite, hands down.

Then came the 1980s when a group of young upstarts appeared on the scene sporting trendy "thin" neckties when the 110 psi barrier was breached by long-forgotten One-Knot-Wonder, Brian Cedar.

By the mid-1990s, Wallach appeared poised to become the Arnold Palmer of Tight Necktie wearing, but a mild stroke brought on by years of tight neckties sidelined the old gladiator for two entire necktie seasons.

When Bill Gallagher came on the scene in 2000 with his Aught Knot, pulled to an incredible 112 psi, it looked like Shim Wallach had been left in the dust. But Gallagher was a redfaced braggart who brought little dignity to Tight Necktiedom. Sure he could knot the knot, but what did it matter when no one wanted to sit next to him during meetings?

Most Tight Necktie aficionados admit they were gratified when class-act Glen Stencil enter competition in 2002 and become the record holder in 2004 with his 113 psi effort. He not only knotted the knot, but brought a renewed gravitas to tight necktie wearers everywhere.

And it appears that class-acts have no expiration date as Shim Wallach makes a final, brave push to gain the title that's eluded him for 44 years of tight necktie wearing.

W.B. Royal certainly hopes Wallach will knot come from behind, but every self-respecting, headrush-dazzled necktie wearer is not only rooting for Wallach to tie Royal's record, but will in fact crush it.

With four months left in the 2010 Tight Necktie Derby, it seems that The Guy With the Tightest Necktie in the Boardroom golden knot is still up for grabs.

500th Blog Post -- Youthanasia: Generation Zero

In a perverse way, there's something gratifying about the way the parents of Generation Zero -- those out utuero beings who are between the ages of 11 and 20 -- have no faith or trust in the institutions of society.

Sort of.

The parents still send their kids to school. Some send their kids to church and a few even to play on sports teams. Old habits die hard. But the parents no longer believe anyone but themselves is infallible.

Their kid does badly on a test -- it's the teacher's fault.

Little baby Jeezus doesn't do well in sports -- the coach is deficient.

"Mini me" is getting fat -- he or she isn't getting enough exercise at school!

Smiling shiny Johnny gets a job in an office, but the big, bad boss denies him access to Facebook -- time for Captain Parent to make a few phone calls!

Like George Carlin, I'm an entropy fan. It's interesting and entertaining for me to see the old structures breaking down.

What I can't stand is denial.

Parents want to raise their kids in anti-bacterial little hives of hugs and cookies and endless, empty praise, where they're free to do whatever they please. But let's not have any illusions about what the end result will be: full-grown, whining, useless, over-indulged blobs.

Parents who grew up in an era of rules and responsibility have systematically dismantled all those troublesome character-building demands of daily life, like homework, detentions -- like just about any form of discipline that used to make a school an actual place of education.

Among their greatest victories is the abolishment of kids failing a grade; being held back to repeat a grade due to poor performance.

The reasoning is that it will negatively affect kids socially.

Bullshit.

I think striving, competitive yuppie parents can't deal with being the parents of a kid who's been held back. It makes for awkward conversation when one's out "to market" or at the tennis club.

And clearly the well-being and welfare of children is not the priority when all the normal tools of discipline are removed from the classroom.

Nowadays, parents can even appeal their kids' suspension.

As a consequence, we've got the bulk of Generation Zero lumbering inexorably toward adulthood where they will become voters (at least, have the ability if they don't actually avail of the right), drivers, drinkers and parents.

Now Teens Say Driving Without Distractions Is Boring.

My central problem with our culture is not only that sanity has become irrelevant, it's increasingly become a liability.

Is there any way to go around Stephen Harper with the Canadian census?

From the Montreal Gazette: The Conservatives' stand on census is an eye-opener -- Despite reason and science, Harper refuses to budge.

When there's a boulder in the road, a human being's natural inclination is to look for a way around it.

Regarding the Canadian census, that boulder in the road is Stephen Harper and his merry band of born-again Conservatives, who are impervious to reason, blind to science and deaf to anyone who is not Jesus Christ.

The Conservatives want to do away with the mandatory long form census and replace it with a voluntary short form census, even though Munir Sheikh, Statistics Canada's now former chief statistician "testified at a parliamentary committee that a voluntary survey would produce biased data and a much lower response rate. The quality of the data could no longer be guaranteed".

After all, the Conversatives say, what's guaranteed in this world other than our place in heaven?

As one prospective census taker, I must admit I think it's ridiculous that the long form census in Canada includes questions such as "How many bedrooms are in your home?" and "What time do you leave for work in the morning?" Yes, I've heard the social workers on the radio explaining why they believe such questions should be asked.

At the same time, the Conservatives' stance on the subject is so irrational, so poorly explained by them, so laughable and ludicrous, people are starting to wonder: What exactly is Stephen Harper's agenda?

He wants to cloud and obscure, skew and manipulate census data in Canada.

Why?

It's as though Stephen Harper is wants to lower a towel over a canary cage -- the canary cage, in this instance, being Canada.

Is he then going to say the populace is primarily compliant Manchurians when he sells the country to China?

So that he can tell the U.N. that everyone moved elsewhere and then allow the RCMP to act upon its long-simmering agenda to enslave the Canadian people?

I'm sure there any number of reasons why this wouldn't work, but could it be possible that each province conduct its own mandatory long form census and then each, in turn, provide that data to Statistics Canada?

I realize the census is a federal endeavor, but it seems our federal government has ceased to function rationally. However, shit still needs to get done.

Maybe Stephen Harper's objection to the long form census is similar to mine -- the question about the bedrooms. Maybe he's not prepared to count the number of mansions in his father's house.

Love on Trial

There is a monumental court case occurring in Windsor at this moment between a "lonely hearts" heart doctor and the Jewish matchmaker who callowly took the doc's money, but didn't provide him with a match.

I'm writing to ask what The South Lyons & Underglen Township Sentinel's position is on this crushing matter!

I don't want to seem critical, but why isn't this front page news in South Lyons & Underglen Township?

We have doctors.

We have hearts.

We want love.

This is a hard-hitting case that targets the very essence of what it is to be a human being.

And now this dramatic turn in the case -- that the presiding judge is "losing patience" with the plaintiff and defendant. I thought our justices were to remain impartial and unemotional! Now that the judge's patience has come in to play, I believe the only thing left to do is for deputy judge William Salem to recuse himself from the trial.

Will love triumph over greed? Is the heart doctor -- oh-so-smart when dealing with others' hearts, blind, deaf and dumb when it comes to dealing with his own? Is the Jewish matchmaker working providing the due diligence it promised at the outset?

These matters are now before an impatient judge!

Please provide some editorial guidance so S.L.U.T.ers have some idea who to think about this trial!

I hate the human touch. These guys make prostitutes seem like old school chums.

After reading Paul A. Toth's excellent article Take This Logo and Call Me in the Morning, about the world of drug reps:

"Reps may be genuinely friendly, but they are not genuine friends. Drug reps are selected for their presentability and outgoing natures, and are trained to be observant, personable, and helpful. They are also trained to assess physicians' personalities, practice styles, and preferences, and to relay this information back to the company. Personal information may be more important than prescribing preferences. Reps ask for and remember details about a physician's family life, professional interests, and recreational pursuits. A photo on a desk presents an opportunity to inquire about family members and memorize whatever tidbits are offered (including names, birthdays, and interests). . .

Which reminded me, once again, that we live in an endlessly sleazy world.

When it comes to my dealings with the outside world, I always prefer to be a number.

I prefer dealing via email and leaving messages on voicemail.

People say they want "the human touch."

But what is that worth when it's complete and utter superficial, baldfaced bullshit?

Phony human contact is preferable to merely getting a task done?

For instance, when I refill my prescription, I love my pharmacy's automated system. When I renewed my license plate tag, I did it online, thrilled not to have to deal with a human being. I hope it was a machine that licked the envelope shut when the tag was finally sent to me.

What do I want people inquiring about my wife and interests if those inquiries are complete bullshit? And when dealing with a rep of any kind, it's obviously bullshit?

For instance, I despise dealing with my financial guy -- such as those dealings are on the few pennies I earn each month. He wants to talk, to schmooze, to chew my fucking ear off. I want to merely give him a check so that he can put my money in absolutely the most safe, uninteresting, dull bond as possible.

At my wits end that none of my preamble to our annual meetings were being heeded, saying to him in the email I sent to make the appointment: "I just want to drop a check off. I have absolutely no interest in the stock market, in investing, in anything", I finally wrote to him, saying that I was going to go elsewhere unless he just quietly accepted my check. He finally fucking did.

I hate the human touch. These guys make prostitutes seem like old school chums.

The Immigration Crisis That May Be Closer Than Canada Thinks

The perfect storm that will usher in America’s disintegration has pretty much arrived:

• 46 of the 50 states teeter on the brink of bankruptcy
  
• Ordinary Americans have become obsolete
  
• “strict constructionists” like Senator Lindsey Graham want to do away with “birthright citizenship”
  
• Millions of Americans have lost their homes to foreclosure
  
• Millions of Americans have no health insurance
  
• All the while, America’s oligarchs are receiving record bonuses for tanking the economy
  
• The Republican Tea Party's Contract on America

From MSNBC on Generation Y:

They are perhaps the best-educated generation ever, but they can’t find jobs. Many face staggering college loans and have moved back in with their parents. Even worse, their difficulty in getting careers launched could set them back financially for years.

As General Corman said to Captain Willard in Apocalypse Now, “Every man has his breaking point.”

And it's on its way to millions of Americans as I write this.

Where will Americans turn when the blight of Detroit meets the neglect of New Orleans; the two scabbed hands joining in the middle of the country and the Dick Cheneys of the US have turned every last city leprous?

They will flood into Canada: The Land That Can’t Say “No.”

All that's keeping that from happening right now are two things: (a) Americans are so poorly educated, they can't find Canada on a map; (b) Engraved on their brainstems is the credo "America is the greatest nation the world has ever known!"

Otherwise, the people of Wal-Mart would overtake Canada in a heartbeat. They'd lose their shit over our poutine.

President Platitude and his dysfunctional multitude are only putting off the inevitable.

The end is nigh, whether you believe in 2012 or the Rapture, peak oil or that the Federal Reserve cannot continue printing money out of thin air. Eventually Tea Party candidates will be voted into office. America will go through two or three decades of Mad Max and The Post Man as the wheels fall off the apple cart entirely.

While the strong and masochistic remain to rebuild, the other 280 million citizens of the United States will find their way into Canada. And why not? There’s free health care, good education, gay marriage and decriminalized marijuana. There is also better beer, better pizza and a little something we call courtesy. That last may be a shock to the system of the average American, but no more than a bout of Montezuma’s Revenge.

The question is, is Canada ready for this influx?

Although Canada is not ready to address its shortage of doctors or dearth of other educated professionals, we can’t seem to get enough taxi drivers. So long as you’re surly, grudgingly willing to give civilized society a try and don’t carry out honor killings within view of a police station, each new arrival will receive the requisite bar of soap-on-a-rope, bathrobe, pension, free education/job training and accommodation.

New arrivals probably won’t even be forced to live in remote regions.

I will watch developments closely because there is one thing I want out of the coming disaster and mass migration of the American populace:

I want Lou Dobbs as my caddy.

A Clockwork Canada

Canada gets a lot of things right. One thing it inherently gets wrong on a consistently mind-blowing basis is criminal justice. It’s as though Canada believes itself so civilized that when it comes to dealing with criminals, the Crown acts as though it doesn’t even know what crime is.

Canadians in positions of power and responsibility seem to have no idea how to deal with people convicted of crimes.

Canadian justices seem to believe that a simple tongue-lashing -- cloaked in moth-ball ridden, Upper Canada College adenoidal disappointment -- is enough to reform the convicted arsonist, rapist, amateur pugilist or murderer.

Canadian justices believe themselves to wield such godlike power, they dare not raise their voices when dealing with a convicted pedophile for fear of causing the courthouse to explode around them.

Unfortunately for Canadian society, nobody but our justices believe they wield such godlike power. They are not the Hercules of the bench. There are no King Solomons among them, wise and weighing fact without emotion. They are not the sentinels of justice.

They are a delusional rag-tag bunch of toxically arrogant, out-of-touch, overgrown fetuses.

Canadian justices are veal calves, valued because they have never engaged in the muscle-contraction of thought. Their life experiences are encased in tomb-like law tomes, briefs (which is also a synonym for underwear), files and whatever cartoons play without end behind their eyelids.

Hence, the Canadian judicial system is a farcical, maddening mechanism that operates like a poorly maintained cuckoo clock.

Hence, this judicial blowjob applied in an Ontario court recently:

It looked like Justice Donald Downie was about to criminally convict Const. Brad Snyder for an assault committed on Sept. 26, 2009.

Snyder, a former Olympic shot putter who stands an imposing six-foot-five and weighs about 280 pounds, had pleaded guilty to delivering blows to the head and lower body of Rod Wuschenny, who had been arrested for public intoxication in the early hours that morning.
. . .

. . . the judge shocked many people by giving the constable a conditional discharge. Snyder walked out of the courtroom with no criminal conviction on his record, even though the judge said that would be the normal sentence in response to a guilty plea.

The reason? The judge chose to let Snyder's past good deeds, volunteerism and perhaps his Olympic record overshadow the assault committed on that September day. Much of that should have been irrelevant, given his position on the force. Snyder was being tried on the facts of the case, and by his own admission he was guilty.
. . .

(In fact, the intoxication charge against Wuschenny was later withdrawn.)

It doesn’t help when David Foulds, who represented the Ministry of the Attorney General in the case “surprised people when he also spoke to Snyder's athletic accomplishments and community activities. ‘He's a very accomplished human,’ he said.”

With prosecuting attorneys like that, who needs a defense attorney?

When the clownishness isn’t in evidence, however, the Canadian justice system can be a dangerously awkward, useless pendulum that swings from applying slaps on the wrists to rapists and arsonists, to perpetrating abhorrent acts on young offenders. There appears to be no "middle way" in Canadian Judas Prudence.

This is where it turns into A Clockwork Canada:

The B.C. government has suspended a controversial test called a penile plethysmograph, which it was using to assess young sex offenders to determine their risk of reoffending after treatment.
. . .

During the test, a youth would attach a device to his penis that is designed to measure his physical sexual arousal.

Researchers in another room then play images of adults having sex, followed by images of naked children and infants, as they monitor the youth's level of arousal, according to Robert Holmes, the president of the B.C. Civil Liberties Association.

The images are accompanied by audio of a male voice that describes forced intercourse with male and female infants as young as two, according to Holmes.

The youth's genitals are covered by a sheet during the testing, and the youth is monitored by researchers behind one-way glass who measure whether or not there is some kind of stimulation effect, said Holmes.

"Male children, often abuse victims themselves, are subjected to this treatment by a government responsible for their care and well-being," said Holmes.

The youth subjects are predominantly children involved in the criminal justice system in B.C., he said.

So, the Dr. Strangeloves of the Great White North will scurry back into the dark corners of their labs and classrooms until more grant money appears or another Royal Commission looking at deviance sounds their siren call.

In the meantime, Canadian society walks the tightrope between judicial fellatio of convicted criminals and the demented droog culture of our over-educated, twisted psychologists and sociologists.

Clearly, the message is, “Don’t get involved with this system on any level.”

Fly the slap-happy skies with Masochistic Airlines

Those other airlines think they make air travel miserable? Lightweights!

Face it, the only people flying these days are masochists. That's nothing to be ashamed of.

Since the economy is based upon the creation, manipulation, transfer and hedging of meaningless financial products that nobody owns for more than 15 minutes, it's not like people are traveling for business anymore.

And the recession, Gulf oil leak and the TSA in general, have pretty much ended recreational air travel.

So, the only people flying are the avariciously affluent and the hopelessly masochistic.

Although the introduction of extra fees for carry-on baggage and additional leg room sated masochists at first, there has been outcry from this demographic for more.

For this reason American Airlines, Delta, Northwest and Spirit have pooled their resources into a consortium of premium airline punishment called Masochist Airlines.

On every flight you can expect:

• Cabin crew of convicted felons and/or mental patients whose insurance ran out -- violent histories are guaranteed!


• The most exorbitant fees for carry-on luggage


• No in-flight service


• No toilet facilities, even on flights to Asia and Australia


• No recycled air -- count yourself lucky it's even pressurized!


• Perpetual "petting zoo" odor

So, you're asking yourself, "I can get that on any other flight on any other airline. What makes Masochist Airlines so special?"

In a word: our seats.

Masochist Airlines has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars buying up seats from American military transport planes that formerly shuttled prisoners from Afghanistan to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, complete with their buttocks-butchering spikes.

Are you a masochist who's too soft for mutilation?

No problem! Masochist Airlines will retract the seat spikes for a fee. A big, fat, unjustifiably gross fee.

Air travel has never been so awful! Guaranteed!

Police Car Torched Outside of G(angster)20 Summit

Nobody has to convince me that there are assholes in the world.

I believe citizens have every right in the world to peacefully protest, particularly against an entity like the G(angster)20, which seems to cost us more and more jobs every time they meet.

The image of the police cruiser burning in Toronto during the demonstrations was certainly a potent image. I'm curious about the circumstances surrounding it being torched.

For instance, why was the car left unattended? I would have thought the police would keep better track of their equipment.

This isn't sarcasm.

Besides there being a shotgun inside the cruiser, there is the MDT (Mobile Data Terminal) laptop -- with all kinds of sensitive data on it -- zip ties, the radio, not to mention the vehicle itself, which could be driven off, or into a crowd or a building.

So, how did this cruiser get stranded?

Were the cops surrounding it overrun by rioters?

Because the battle in the streets of Toronto was only one arm of the PR battle being waged over TV, print media and the Internet between The Establishment and The Citizenry.

The image of a burning police car was like a grenade blast in that battle, going off in the face of the protesters.

Was the cruiser purposely left in a vulnerable spot so the authorities could avail of that potent image of lawlessness?

I have no idea. If someone know what happened, please let me know.

Canada: Spies Like Us -- Richard Fadden

Canada's top spy recently ran away at the mouth, revealing more information than he had intended, spilling the beans, letting the cat out of the bag, placing all of his cards on the table about Canadian politicians being unduly influenced by foreign operatives.

Believing there's no use crying over spilt milk -- or secrets -- Richard Fadden, Canada's Spook-in-Chief, announced today that he won’t resign as a result of his faux pas.

Yes, that’s Canadian government in a nutshell:

(a) Filled with people completely unsuited for the jobs they hold;
(b) Wreaking untold havoc and embarrassing themselves in those jobs;
(c) Driven by a steadfast unwillingness to give up those jobs.

From The Star.com:

OTTAWA-In a surprise move, Canada’s chief spy stood by his comments that some Canadian politicians are being unduly influenced by foreign power.

But while telling a parliamentary committee he regrets the making the candid remarks, Richard Fadden said emphatically he would not resign his position as CSIS director because he violated no law.

Expected to back away from comments made in a recent television interview, Fadden instead told the committee “it is a concern and a threat.”
. . .
In a speech recorded by the CBC TV and in follow up questions with CBC's The National, Fadden said that some Canadian politicians, including unnamed provincial cabinet ministers, and municipal employees are under the influence of foreign governments.
. . .
Fadden emphasized that his candid comments in no way threatened national security.

Maybe Canadians need to become foreign lobbyists in order to have any influence with our government. Canadian politicians and bureaucrats are certainly immune to anything the electorate has to say to them or about them. Citizens are now forced to take on different incarnations in order to be heard by their elected officials.

Inside the Hotdog Factory is now taking passport applications for its newly incorporated principality of Lobbyistan. As with Canada, the criteria for prospective citizens is wide open. If you breathe air, you’re what Lobbyistan is looking for!

In the meantime, if anyone reading this blog post works with Richard Fadden, be sure you don’t allow any secrets of any importance near him. I hear he has a problem with saying too much -- a distinctly unCanadian failing.